Thursday, November 20, 2008

Yet another setback Geesh!!

Well got a call today, had a bad feeling as soon as I saw the number on the caller ID it was the state worker for foster care.She called and basically said they were not going to license us because we have not been married long enough.When I asked when is long enough she said she did not know.They hadn't discussed it.I think they are blowing smoke at me hoping I will go away. I know they are still holding my divorce against me even though we have one of the best and functional divorces I have ever seen.A couple weeks after I was first filing for divorce,I called to tell them about it and apparently they had already found out just a couple weeks ahead or less as my now ex husband already had himself on a networking website( i didn't not know about this for the record) which I will not mention which one but you all will be pretty able to guess ,stating that he was single and looking for friends, relationships,dating etc.Of course there was a picture of him along with a profile you know how it goes. Well a caseworker(one that we had been assigned at one point)who also surfed this website must have done a singles search as she too was not divorced but starting hers,and came across my ex.Well she did the "you look familiar do I know you thing" and of course 2 and 2 were put together.She then convinced him that they would make great friends and that he should call so he did.They talked ,she asked about "us" he gave her the basics nothing much and she pretended to be sypathetic and also as far as I am concerned crossed some lines as she discussed previous child removal case details about other families and their private info,charges, accusations,etc with him.Basically Gossiped!Well they had that one conversation that same day and she never called or contacted him again. It was obviously after hearing this all a couple weeks later that she was just using him to get the gossip she wanted and needed for work as she that is what she did,she ran back and told them what she found out so I didn't even have the chance to discuss my own personal matter first.Now it must be stated that we did not have and were not taking any foster placements at this time so I did not see the harm in waiting a couple weeks until I got myself together as divorce is devastating enough.And I was in the middle of moving out up until the point I called them. I left him the house.Needless to say calling them and airing my dirty laundry was not my first concern at that time.But I was planning on calling them and that is what I did after I was settled physically and emotionally.But like I said it was too late by then. Going back to when I first called her after they found out, they told me I need not apply for 6 months if I ever wanted to foster again I said why? And she said it was policy after a divorce.So when DH and I looked in foster care recently I asked them ahead of time if it had been long enough(it's been over 6 months) and the guy(someone i knew there) that I had to talk to this time said he had never heard of that policy and I know that the woman I talked to before has since left.Well I told him how long I have been married and how long since the divorce has been final before we even went to our orientation.They acted like it was no problem and sent us booklets etc.We got a letter in the mail inviting us to orientation and went, DH even took time off work to go.While there they gave us the forms to take home and fill out.We were just talking about filling those out tonight and then the phone call came in saying they would not license us because we were not married long enough.Which is really funny since single people can foster and when I asked how long that has to be she said she did not know.Here's the thing if it is policy then it's policy which means it is a rule written somewhere ,which means that there would be an exact time length.But I think they are still bitter about how they found out about me and my ex splitting and have black listed me. I was told that over a year ago when I first called by someone else who works with but not for them that,that is what was happening.(they work for another agency) I didn't want to believe it. I saw something like this happen to my first foster parent friend but thought it would never happen to me boy was I naive.The circumstances were a bit different but outcome the same and worse for her.It's a very you scratch my back I scratch yours setup and it sucks.So that was our crushing blow for the day.DH is sad.Who am I kidding so am I.


Nichole said...

Oh, I am so sorry!That really sucks! Political red tape is so frustrating! Good luck, keep pressing them about a time frame. I bet they don't find one

Dan and Gretchen said...

Hang in there!!! Believe it or not...God has a plan in all of this. It does sound a little fishy however.

Jen said...

Well it is normal for agencies to have a minimum marriage length requirement--both of our agencies did. But what that caseworker did was SOOOO unethical--I would be taking it to her supervisor and if need be, to whatever state board oversees caseworkers. That's REALLY out of line. Hugs to you--I'd be fuming!

But beyond that, I know how frustrating the wait is. But take comfort in the knowledge that God has the perfect child(ren) out there for you. Any accelerations or stops in your process may be His way of making sure you and your child(ren) are ready for each other at the same time.


My snowflake items

My snowflake items
DH got me these after we officially accepted our set of snowflake babies