Saturday, January 31, 2009

Blood test results

Well the RE office called today and the nurse from there wanted to let me know the results of me and DH's bloodwork and a couple of other details before march.First and foremost DH was fine in his bloodwork. But there were 2 small things with mine , first they said my iron is low and asked if am I taking an iron supplement? I of course answered yes I am since there is iron in my prenatal vitamins that I have been on for the last 10 years but also I was prescibed a separate over the counter supplement about 3 years ago or so when my PCP figured out that I had low ferrous sulfate levels. My hair was falling out like crazy, I mean really falling out. And after months of them not being sure what it was they figured out that it was my stored iron (ferrous sulfate) not my regular iron levels. Well now it seems that my regular levels are dropping too.So I need to eat iron rich foods, if anyone has any ideas , since my body doesn't seem to be absorbing the supplement as much as it should.I need to do this along with taking my supplements.My endometriosis which causes very heavy and painful AF's is to blame for my iron troubles.They were not overly worried but said I should work on my iron,doesn't affect the timeline for IVF but they just want me to be as healthy as possible. The second thing is I guess it showed that I show low immunity to rubella so I need to go get re vaccinated for that before a potential pregnancy.So I am going to see if they do that cheap at the health department since we do not have health insurance any longer.She said the latest I could have it done by was next friday.So I will try for monday or tuesday just to get it out of the way.YEAH another poke!!! We also set up a potential timeline for transfer which would land us at about March 1st,2nd or 3rd .Wow that is getting close.Of course it will all depend on my AF in February but they have been exactly 28 days since the clomid , go figure!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Moving right along

Well AF is here so that meant I had to go get bloodwork done, they wanted me to go have it drawn on either day 1-3 of my cycle.So I went and did that yesterday which I never enjoy due to my very small veins that like to twist.Either way she proceeded to take 11 vials of blood ( holy cow!) from me and my hand went numb and I couldn't feel it even for a bit after she finished.I knew I had a lot they were running but sheesh.DH got his drawn too but only had 4 vials drawn.Anyway that is all that's new on the IVF news. We are hanging in there hubby has been pretty down today as we tried to apply for his unemployment etc.

Friday, January 23, 2009

DH's job and embryo transfer update

Well it's official DH just called me a few hours ago and he was laid off.I have been asked by a few people if we will press on with our transfer that is due to be march and the answer is "yes".I know it may seem like odd timing to some but I have been waiting to try IVF for 10 years and here it is.We have more reasons and they are as follows: we have a lot of money already paid into this and it is nonrefundable (more to pay but more in than out),I am not getting any younger (just turned 32) and 34 seems to be the big marker for this before a decrease in success rates,and most of all we are just ready to add to our family this has been something we have been excited about ever since we got the call on December 29th that they had embryos for us. DH just lights up when he talks about it.Which is a huge contrast from the day when they gave us his SA results in the RE office and they were very grim and as soon as the lady walked out he broke down.He never cries but I could see he was holding it back and that it was coming but none the less it surprised me that he felt as deep as I did.And at that moment I fell in love with him all over again.So this has brought us hope where there wasn't any and boy do I love to see that adorable man smile! We got all of our paperwork notarized a few days ago so that is set.(required by the office) I also picked up my estrace,antibiotics, xanax,medrol and prometrium from the pharmacy.I wanted to run the ones through that are covered like the antibiotics,xanax, estrace ,medrol etc since they are not considered infertility before our insurance is canceled on Monday.I still need a few other meds for it but I think we will definately have to shop around for them.I am thinking it will be one of the mail order places through the office, freedom is one of them I think.We continue to pray to God every day asking that he show us the way through this time of need.I know there are others of you that are also struggling with job loss and I ask that God bless you all.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Bad news...DH may be getting laid off permanently

Please if you can say a prayer for us as DH may be getting laid off permanently.He just told me last night and seeing as he is the sole provider for the family it will hit us hard.He was supposed to find out tonight at work (he works 2nd shift) but he called and said all they have said so far is about 80 jobs are being cut which is a third of the total jobs.Ouch! It's a union shop so it is all done on seniority and even if you get missed someone can bump you out of your job if they have been there longer.(he has only been there just under 3 years) We will hopefully find out tomorrow but no later than Friday.DH was adamant that he wanted to press on with the embryo transfer in March no matter what since so many things have fallen into place before this.But what I am scared of is affording it and everything that goes with it.I know I need to be strong for him and try not to get stressed out, but how? We have some of our meds covered but not all.And we have put some money down and gotten somethings out of the way (like the mock transfer) but not all .It is so hard to be this close but feel like it may slip away.......I'm sad and scared girls.

ps.Those ovulation predictor coupons are still available if there is anyone who wants them.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Taking a moment to remember my lost little ones...

Well inevitably in all of this looking forward to the IVF transfer in March there would be some apprehension on my part and also a look back to where I have been in all of this fertility and pregnancy business.So today I pulled out a box that I admittedly have not gone through thoroughly in quite some time but I have however glimpsed through the top of its contents a few times.It is a memory box that me and my ex husband made (wrapped it in angel paper) after we lost our first baby and then continued to contribute to when we lost our 2ND baby. It is amazing the things that you hold on to, because after a miscarriage there really isn't much that you are left with.I knew at the time that I didn't ever want to forget and that time has a way of stealing your memories from you.So I saved every little shred of proof that I was ever pregnant.For example I still have the office call paperwork receipt when I went in for a pg test at my PCP (it says ucg positive+), the office paperwork receipt from 3 days later after I saw my PCP and (it has a referral to a OBGYN on it), I have the hospital paperwork and bracelet from when I had my D&C ,hospital hat, 3 positive PG tests (yes they still read positive after 10 years!), a video clip from the local news that me and my ex are on when we were attending an opening for a pregnancy loss memorial garden that opened just 12 days after my D&C,the brochure from that, a single dried yellow rose that we got in honor of that baby,2 congrats your pregnant cards ,a few sorry for your loss cards, a couple of small stuffed animals (one was sent to me from similac because I registered with them while I was pg and it came after I miscarried, the other we bought),2 pregnancy books, even empty pill bottles for methergine and vicodine, they only pic ever taken of me pregnant,a few pics of the flowers we received after our first lost (most of the cards and all of the flowers were from our first lost as people just didn't seem to care as much after the second, at least it felt that way)and I have the second D&C hospital paperwork,brochure on D&C procedure amongst other things.(I still have the crib we bought when I was pregnant and a few other items) I actually have a second box of stuff but it is more like an over flow box for this one. This one has the majority of the memories in it.The other has just a few more dried flowers that we used to get on the anniversary of the loss of the babies and and few memorial stuffed animals etc.I also have a necklace that has both babies birthstones on it that I continued to wear for years.So here I am looking back remembering them (Ryan 10-10-1998 & Jessica 5-27- 1999) I never knew their gender for sure but I went with what my gut said and we named each one after losing them. I will never forget them but sometimes it gets harder and harder to feel like I was ever pregnant since it has been so long. I guess that is when it it time to pull out the box's and take a trip back in time.......

Saturday, January 17, 2009

I am better with deadlines I guess

Well seeing as we have our plans for our embryo transfer getting closer each week I have set goals for myself to complete around the house in order to be in that good calm mental place and so DH is perfectly capable of running the house without me for a few days or longer if I get pregnant.Since he has already said that he will be restricting me if we , I mean when we get a BFP.Which includes none of the sorting and heavy lifting that I have been doing.We have 12 semi steep steps leading to our basement which is where our laundry area is located so every time I do a load I have to balance the basket of clothes and maybe try to hold the handrail.I am, you see a bit accident prone, I am not sure why, but at least when it comes to stairs.When I was still with my ex husband I fell down every flight of stairs in that house at least once(sometimes twice) doing myself great bodily harm on more than one occasion.In that house I had 18 very steep stairs to the upstairs, 4 to my bedroom, (and if you turned then continued 8 to the basement, laundry located down there too) and 5 very large cement steps to enter the home.I have a scar from stitches on the back of my head under my hair where I fell down the 4 to my bedroom, I don't think I have to tell you how messy head wounds are luckily I was able to call for help before I almost passed out.I also have a scar on my knee from falling down the entry stairs of the house,I cracked my kneecap and was on crutches for months and was missing a thick chunk of skin the size of a quarter.The doctor had to yank to get the sides to come back together as he stitched.EEK! I also broke my foot on the stairs to the basement there.The only flight that I did not get stitches on or break something was you guessed it the largest set that went up stairs.I think it was due to how I fell and the fact that I made like a sled once I lost my footing and went rigid down on my back rode it out till I got down.I certainly had a ton of bruises to show for it but no stitches or broken bones.And now in this home with my new husband I have already fallen down the 4 very large wooden steps that go out to our garage this past summer, luckily no broken bones only very ugly bruises.So you can see where me and my husbands cautiousness comes from. So beyond me needing to be very careful and cutting down what I do around here after transfer I just wanted to have my ducks in a row as far as long over due projects so that I can be on a calm bed rest.I finally got my wedding pics into the 5 collage frames and hung them in our hallway last night.I also finally cleaned out our jam packed front closet which still contained stuff from our May wedding.You can actually can get the vacuum in there now(first time ever since we bought the house 14 1/2 months ago). We went from moving in just before Halloween,trying to unpack, then came all the other holidays,to planning a wedding and it was chaos ever since so now I am finally making myself do stuff that I haven't gotten around to.Heck I still have 2 dress's to get dry cleaned my wedding dress and my formal from our cruise we went on for our honeymoon.Yes I do procrastinate but being a mom also takes up a lot of my time.I also finally gathered all of my scrap booking materials that I have purchased and you guess it never done anything with but I figure that can wait because it may be a wonderful bed rest activity.I also need to still put my wedding and honeymoon photos in albums.There are various other activities that I finally finished like make my 2 sons their tie fleece pillow and blanket sets ( I got them on clearance last April....yes I know took me long enough)They love them.I also finished a breast cancer blanket( just bought that one a couple weeks ago) in honor of DH's grandma that passed away from the disease just weeks before we were married.He helped me with that one ( and with one of the others) I think it felt good for him to participate in something in her honor that I will use on a daily basis. We did a 5k walk in her honor on our honeymoon too .I have been working on my boy's rooms etc too.I just want things to be very smooth running by the time I can't do everything as I am accustomed to being able to do. I am very independent and stubborn sometimes.I know that anyone who reads my blog may be surprised to hear me mention my sons,please don't think it is because I don't love them as I do with all my heart.But I also am very protective of them.Being they are adopted from foster care it is not the same situation as traditional adoption where the parents make the choice to give their baby up for adoption.It has been years now since I became their mother youngest is 3 oldest is 5 maybe there will come a time soon where I feel safe enough to share them more with all of you.Believe me they are so worth sharing.We were partially drawn to embryo adoption because it was another form of adoption but it would give me the opportunity to go through the pregnancy and would continue to allow my children to not feel that anyone was better than the other because one was biological (my sons are not from the same bio parents either)and the other wasn't.(I have adopted friends and family members that have struggled with feelings of this and it weighed heavily on my mind when we were trying to conceive) So instead of doing traditional IVF which in truth does cost more this seemed like the perfect solution to add to our already wonderful family that GOD has hand picked for me to be a part of.DH does not care how he becomes a father he just wants to hear someone call him daddy plus I have always known I wanted more kids (my ex is a wonderful ,active father to our boys and that is who their father is, my husband in no way wants to infringe upon that so they only call him Bryan).So I will continue to chip away at my mental "to do" list in hopes of keeping myself busy since I hate this waiting part, but also to get myself all ready and settled come go time.Next project is the basement.......Yes I will hold the handrail ;-)

Thursday, January 15, 2009

ahhh friends...

So I decided to confide in what I consider to be a close friend of mine about what we are planning in March and it always amazes me how people either can't or won't monitor what they say to another human being. I was telling her and she was asking questions so I was answering them as she shot them at me.And then her first unwelcomed comment came out"Well it's a good thing you got that info packet on the bio parents with the health info in it because who knows what you might be getting, you wouldn't want to end up with some one armed monster or something".(insert her laughter here) I just tried to ignore her thinking she probably meant well.But later came unwelcomed comment number 2 "Well I just know that when we try in a few months that we are going to have no problem at all getting pregnant I just know it." For those of you that do not know what I know let me fill you in a) they have no kids, b)have never been pregnant in 4 years they have been together (haven't been trying, but no accidents either) c) I have been friends with her husband since I was 13(best friends) and happen to know that he has only 1 testicle due to a swimming accident when we were kids, d) that her husband was diagnosed as completely infertile after a SA in 2000 due to varicocele and they told him at this time that he needed to have surgery or he may never have kids. Well back then he told me he was scared to have the surgery and didn't want to take the time off work so he never had it done.According to her he still hasn't.She herself has had a few feminine troubles herself.Now don't get me wrong I don't wish infertility on anyone but it is a bit hard to deal with when you have someone saying over and over and over again, "I just know that I won't have any trouble at all getting pregnant, I just know and have a feeling I won't".She mentioned this multiple times throughout our visit (as if I hadn't heard her the first time) amongst many other less than comforting comments.Now I am all for optimism but I think she is being either a) naive or b) just plain mean and competitive, as us women can be sometimes and need to learn to not be.Either way my visit with her took place a couple days before my birthday last week and is still weighing on my mind so it obviously affected me and hurt me. I just feel like she was rubbing my miscarriages and infertility troubles in my face and that she herself is thinking it will be a breeze for her.I know that she has wanted a baby for a long time and her husband has not even been sure he wanted kids.He just recently started considering it.She has a goal to go off B/C in 2010.So only time will tell.And no as much as she has hurt me I do not wish infertility struggles on her but I do hope that she learns over time to be more gracious and caring towards her fellow human beings.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Does anyone need and want 5 coupons for ovulation predictors??

I have 5 coupons for ovulation predictors, and I was wondering if I could help out any of my fellow bloggers since I will not be using these due to DH new found poor SA a few months ago.I have 4 $1.00 ones and 1 $2.00 one.I know it's not much but every little bit helps right? They are for first response and 4 of them have no expiration date at all.The last one expires 12/31/10 so even if you don't need them right this second the 4 will be good forever and 1 for a long time.Let me know and I will mail them to whomever can use them.If you get your email to me we can do the home address privately over email.Take care. Hugs to you all!

Monday, January 12, 2009

We celebrated my birthday on saturday and talked to the office about needing an hcg shot

We celebrated my 32nd birthday on saturday with a date, we went to eat at olive garden and went to see the movie marley and me.The movie was both sad and funny, I had a warning that it had sad parts in it as I remember reading about it when our fellow blogger Erin from hoping for.......wrote about it.But I still was not prepared on one part in particular and I am sure Erin can guess which part.(I agree Erin,it was so sad)I was so choked up and afraid to breath or I would cry.Don't get me wrong it was a good movie just sad and deep in many ways, the title by no means gives any hint of all of the issues they cover in it.No real news here just waiting for AF so we can start getting an idea of timeline in March.I can't believe that we are about half way into january already time just keeps going.Now that my birthday is gone so are the holidays I am sure it will slow down.But in just about a month there's valentines day.Does anyone have anything special planned for valentines day? Well I talked to my doctors office and they said that they rarely ever get people donating HCG shots as people only need one and usually use it so there goes the idea that I may be able to swap out my ovidrel and clomid for an HCG if someone turned one into them.Since we have no coverage for fertility meds at all (or anything else)I have been hoping that was going to be an option.Since now I will not be using those meds and need the other instead.I spent about $100.00 on something I will never use.Ouch!! On average what did you my fellow bloggers without insurance pay for your HCG shot?

Friday, January 9, 2009

More info on the pros of our smaller set of embies

So we officially accepted the set of embryos even though it was small.But soon after doing so we found out the next set that may become available behind them is only 5 so only 2 more.The set of 5 would not be available to us anyway unless the other 2 couples ahead of us in line turn them down.Which partially happened before,because 1 couple turned them down (they wanted a larger set) and the other accepted them but after looking deeper into the couples actual address the office had to tell them "that they were sorry but since they lived within 30 miles of a living child created from the embryos they could not allow them to accept that set".I felt so bad after hearing that but also know that rules are there for a reason and I would have to accept the same terms if it happened to me.So while I am excited for us I am sad for the couple who had to be turned down on these precious embies.We just cannot get past how quickly they became available to us after we were expecting such a long wait.We had prayed daily and believe that it is truly an answered prayer.We know that there are pros and cons to accepting a smaller set but for us at this point the pros seem to outweigh the cons.Some of them are since they will be transferring all 3 there will be no leftover to pay storage fees on $95.00 for about 3 months,the previous recipient already paid the FDA fees so we are excluded since these are re donated which shaves off $945.00,also as far as timing I had my last Laproscopy to clean out of endo just over a year ago along with a hysterscopy so my body will be better ready for this now instead of waiting plus paying more money for more surgery in a couple years when it has to be cleaned out again,it was also save us money as they are going to use the scope pics from that surgery instead of doing a new scope since it was so recent(which they do to check your uterus ahead before IVF) which helps there since our insurance covers nothing I mean nothing fertility related, not even blood work,also I have 1 of my meds being donated to me straight to my office for this from a wonderful woman I met on here ( I can't thank her enough),my appointment month is the same month my husband gets his vacation time so he can be there and be home to take care of me on my bed rest,this set also is a proven set there has been babies born from it and so far in thawing only one has been lost.I know that out of all 3 couples the first which was the bio parent got pregnant first try after transferring 2 with twins and sadly lost one twin and had a baby boy,first recipient tried 2 times-thawed 2 transferred 2 got a no pregnancy,thawed 3 transferred 2 one didn't make it and no pregnancy, 3rd couple thawed 3 transferred 3 and got pregnant first try I do not know how many babies they had (just had the baby or babies in 08) I was going to see if I could find out.But either way these seem to be hardy embies to survive thawing to produce pregnancies. So I am very hopeful and just am planning on it working.In the spirit of that and my up and coming bed rest I have taken on all the things that DH is not going to let me do once we do the transfer and I end up pregnant. So let the cleaning out and organizing begin. The biggest pro of all we can start sooner than later the only con is less tries but we will just get back on the list.But both DH and I feel very good about this and know this is the right choice.God bless you all.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Mock transfer today

Well I had my mock transfer today(technically it was friday but I am posting after midnight).It went pretty well even though I didn't sleep at all, seriously, at all.Tossed and turned all night.Then DH and I got up and got ready in less than 20 minutes and were out the door.I got dressed and got ready and then we went to leave one hour before my appointment.At which time I was told I needed to not urinate and make sure I drink enough fluids so they could see my bladder.So I proceeded to drink about 11oz of water and a 7oz yogurt smoothie on the hour ride there.I also took my meds 1 hour before my appointment as directed.Which were 1 antibiotic(doxcycline hyclate),1 valium amd 2 ultracets. The ultracets are what I normally take for my endometriosis pain so I took those instead of motrin since motrin does not work on me.I have to say between no sleep, the valium and my pain meds I felt a bit loopy and unsteady.I have to say that taking the ulracet and valium made it at least 50% better than the IUI I had in the past.But I will not lie and say that it didn't hurt because it did.But that could be me since I have such a tricky cervix.They had to try it 3 times and tried 3 different sized catheters.All in all my doctor was very understanding and said there would be no problem now that he knows what he has to do to make it work come transfer time.I did have a decent amount of pressure, sharp pain and cramping during it.My cramping continued afterwards for awhile to.And there was also a fair amount of bright red blood just for a heads up for those of you that are soon to be going through this.Which all is normal.But be sure you wear a pad and not a liner I was glad I did as a liner would not have been enough.But again everyone is different.The bleeding was almost immediate too.As soon as we were done we went to a consult room to talk about our embryos that we are getting and by then I had to empty my bladder and that is when all the blood appeared so be prepared.I also had another round of it about 9 hours later but it was no longer bright red it was older blood.Sorry if that was TMI I just want to be sure to help anyone else I can be prepared as I was a bit nervous before all this and I am sure I will be even more so in March when we do the embryo transfer.The thing that happened today that I was least expecting was DH almost passed out seriously they had to get him a cold wet paper towel,sit him down and put his head between his knees, all this during my procedure.This totally caught both of us by surprise as he is not a woozy man by any means, that is me that has the blood phobia and besides there was nothing to see.He was up by my head sheet draped over me with the external ultrasound on the screen and the doc trying to do the catheter.He could see anything but the screen.But he said what the problem was, was that he could see how much pain I was in and feel me squeezing his hand in pain and it was killing him that I was hurting and there was nothing he could do.He said it hurts him to see me be poked and prodded and everything that I have to go through for us.I know he is a bit mad and surprised at himself for this and I am sure he will do better next time now that he sees that I am ok in the end.I also had to take a 2nd antibiotic 8 hours after my procedure to prevent infection.I hope that helps anyone that is about to go through this and feel free to ask me any questions that you might have.We now will be starting the process of our blood tests for our doctor since they have to be within 6 months of the embryo transfer they wanted us to wait.We are making our appointments for February so they will have the results by March.I am in the middle of trying to find a tv for bedroom to borrow for my after transfer bedrest.As we have always had a no tv in the bedroom policy but for this we are bending it.I also have decided that I really need to get my stress under control now and honestly try to eat better.So here goes.......... God bless you all and thank you for the encouraging comments. (Also we were given paperwork that told about the bio parents of the embryos but maybe I will post about that tomorrow as I am tired for now, lack of sleep and had a long busy day.)

Friday, January 2, 2009

Mock Transfer tomorrow

I go in tomorrow for my mock transfer and to further discuss the embryos.I am a bit nervous but I know it will go fine.It's at 8:20 am and we have to leave here at 7:20 am to get there in time I guess I should head to bed soon since it is after midnight.They gave me a valium to take tomorrow to help me relax partially since I have a tricky cervix so hopefully it helps.I also have to take antibiotics before and after to prevent infection.I will let everyone know how it goes tomorrow.God bless!

My snowflake items

My snowflake items
DH got me these after we officially accepted our set of snowflake babies