Friday, March 26, 2010

Gratitude (Letter to all embryo donors)

Three months

I called our RE's office yesterday for a few reasons one of them was to see if we were allowed to place a letter in our file or the donors file saying thank you to the donors. I was told that we couldn't because most genetic parents do not want to know if a child resulted from their donated embryos,it can be too painful. They didn't want someone to slip up and say something they shouldn't I guess. Our donor coordinator said that by the time the genetic parents make the difficult decision to donate they ask not to be contacted and do not want to look back. I guess I can understand where they are coming from as it must be so painful. On my side of the fence I have so much gratitude and appreciation for the gift they have given me and no way to express it.I guess really there are no words to convey it appropriately anyways I mean how do you say thank you for a sharing a little human being,a miracle? Honestly, what words would there be? My heart swells, it runs over with love for people I have never even met. They have given me so much more than a son they have given me a renewed faith in my fellow man,strengthened my faith in GOD and in miracles around me.How could I ever say thank you for these gifts? For this reason I am writing this on my blog this goes out to all the embryo donors out there.I do however want to take a minute to focus on the anonymous donors for they are the ones who will never hear even the simplest words of gratitude, their gift will never be acknowledged,they will never see the immense joy they have brought to someone else's world.Our donors will never know the tears I cried upon laying eyes on my precious son as I gave birth to him, they will never see how many times a day he makes us smile, they will never know how happy they have made two little boys who now call themselves big brother to this beautiful little baby.This letter goes out to ALL embryo donors whether they are known or anonymous because I can't thank mine, so I will thank all of you. Thank you for making I am sure one of the hardest selfless decisions of your life.Thank you for seeing potential and life in those little balls of cells.Thank you you for helping others to realize their dreams of building families.Thank you for choosing life and giving the embryos a chance at life.I hope that you will read this and know what a wonderful gift all of you donors have given and are giving to your brothers and sisters in Christ.And know that you are giving us who receive these gifts so much more than a chance for a baby your giving us HOPE, FAITH, and LOVE!

In closing I am asking that if you know someone who is a embryo donor that you please pass this letter on to them, who knows maybe it will reach "our" donors someday... God Bless you all! -Megan

Less of me

14 pounds less to be exact. I have officially lost 14 pounds and yes I have been trying.I have 44 more to go in order to get to my wedding weight aka my pre fertility med weight but to get to my pre pregnancy weight I have to get down only 29 more pounds.(yes fertility meds gave me a nice 15 pounds ) I am shooting for the pre fertility med weight though.So now you will notice I have added a new ticker to my blog a weight loss ticker. I did manage to drop the 14 pounds in only 4 weeks so I optimistic that I will get the rest off by my goal which I have set to be August 23rd.At the very least I hope to hit my pre pregnancy weight by then.I have had to use will power and rethink how I eat, which has been surprisingly easy now that I am not on hormones of any kind, pregnant or beast feeding and have no cravings at all.Wish me luck girls.This is about more than vanity it is about my health I want to feel like the old me again. And we all know the story about the scale being 20+ pounds off on the low side at the OB's during my whole pregnancy "sigh" ;-p Ehh I made it through all this infertility stuff I will make it through this right girls! So here I go wish me luck...

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Could this be the cure for colic ;-) ?? (video) and my poll is still open

I don't know but it sure has helped this thing has been wonderful!! We got it about a week a ago but have been only been using it 3 days. I know 3 months is supposed to be a bit young for it but I just had a feeling he was ready.(I don't remember my other 2 boys using exersaucers or jumperoos until about 5-6 months) He kept trying to bounce while sitting on my leg at the computer, just hated being on his back and has been doing really well with his neck for sometime now so we thought what the heck. It has been as if I have an actual second pair of hands here I can finally put him down to do laundry, cook,use the potty,eat,do other housework you name it. Granted it is only for about 15-20 minutes or so but it is wonderful. Plus added bonus he sleeps 2 hours longer at night!!! You read that right 2 hours longer!! He tires himself out in the jumperoo a few times a day so now he sleeps longer at night. He also sleeps sounder.He takes longer sounder naps also.So what does this relief cost someone you might ask cheaper than you might think.Being the bargain shopper I am I snagged last years model (precious planet original model) on clearance 50% off the original price which just happens to be the model we registered for anyways. So yes I was geeked.The original price was $90.00 we got it for $45.00 and it was worth every penny.And he loves it as you can see.He is a bit short for the lowest setting so we put a couch pillow on the floor under his feet and it was fine.But with the way he is growing he will be able to reach in no time.So the theory around here is partially is he has been I guess sick of being his back and tummy.But up until now what were my options especially with his age.I joke with DH that since he was frozen for 5 years he is a 5 year old stuck in a 3 month olds body and he has been bored to tears until now :-) All in all most (not all) of the fussiness has magically subsided between the the playing in the jumperoo and the the exhaustion from doing so he is so much more content to just be held and cuddle and also to be put down when I need to.And he is sleeping so much better at night so now momma is getting more sleep.Ahhhh.... Oh yeah and I am finding you guys answers interesting on my poll more of you have shared your blogs with family or friends than I had thought me personally I have not shared mine with anyone but DH ;-)

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

take my new poll, I want to hear from you!

Before church a couple weeks ago (2 and a half months old)

Chillin out with his notty pooh bear (2 and a half months old)

First time in his bumbo seat (2 and a half months old)

Mason watching our favorite show 19 kids and counting, (The duggars) a couple weeks ago

Please take a moment to take my new poll that I added to my blog.The topic is one that I have been wondering about for a while. I was curious how others were handling this.While on some bloggers blogs it is quite obvious how they do things on others it isn't as obvious so here is your chance girls let's hear it.Do you keep your blog world and personal world separate and if so to what degree the poll will be open for about a week.Feel free also to leave a "comment" on how you personally handle things in this area I am genuinely interested,thanks so much hope to hear from as many of you as possible. Also I added a few pics of Mason when he was 2 and 1/2 months. I need to take his 3 month ones yet. Hope every one is doing well.

Friday, March 19, 2010

God has been good to me

Well I thought I would share some pics from my oldest sons 7th birthday yesterday on saint patricks day so here they are. We had a very nice day just with the five of us we chose to just celebrate with our immediate family for now. Gavin had a good birthday he didn't have school due to a teacher in service day so his daddy,my ex came and picked him up and took him to lunch since he didn't have school.(remember his daddy,DH and I are all very good friends no hard feelings there)They then went to the store where Gavin got a birthday present and apparently insisted that he needed to get me roses while he was there so on his birthday he came home with flowers for his mommy! What a sweet boy! My ex said he insisted on getting them for me I was so touched I guess he thought mommy could use some roses.You should have seen my little man beaming when he told DH that he bought mommy flowers he was so proud.What a wonderful little boy I have!My ex would have stayed and joined us to celebrate Gavin's birthday but he works 2nd shift and had to leave after dropping him off that is why he took him out to lunch instead.We are on a budget but I still try to make things fun for the boys so here was our day first I made Gavin's birthday cake,we had a mini photo shoot with their new "brothers" shirts, I made homemade pizza for dinner, we then set out for a budget family movie(local radio station sponsors it for a few different family friendly movies for the next couple of months) where the kids get in free and adults are only $3.50 each we saw a cartoon movie called "Planet 51" the boys (all three, yes even mason went) enjoyed it, we then came home ate cake and ice cream, he opened presents that I had bought ahead on black Friday for a great deal and that he loved!In the pictures you will notice that his cake is green that is something that I have been doing since his first birthday since he is a saint pattys day baby it has become tradition.Even though it may look a little weird to you it was a butter moist cake so it was very good! I wondered if we had done enough but got my answer this morning when I was getting ready to take him out to the bus and he said "momma, I had a good birthday yesterday" I tell you girls it melted my heart.I took a few black and whites of my little guys hands and one with his and my hand with the roses he gave me, the sentimentality inspired me.Also I can't stop thinking how good God has been to me when I see these three beautiful little boys in these pictures together they truly are precious and these big brothers are amazing with Mason just amazing!! I am so proud girls DH and I keep saying when these three grow up and the girls come around we are in trouble some day because we have some good looking boys on our hands.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Mason 2 month pics and Mederma for stretch marks

Here are the 2 month pics of Mason I have more to go through here are just a few I did not do a lengthy photo shoot like I did for his 1 month but I did get a few cute ones. Also I have decided to try the new Mederma for stretch marks cream that is out. I had a $4.00 coupon which I printed off the website for it (it also came with one in the package for my next purchase).I took before pictures of my pregnancy stretch marks(yes I did get them,but not until about the last trimester)and then I will be able to see if there was any real difference. The product says it takes 4 weeks to show noticeable difference and 12 weeks to show optimum difference.It also goes on to say that you may need more treatment depending on the individual. So we will see girls I will have to let you know.The product itself is hard to find but there are stores listed online to find it at. I got mine at wal*greens.Targ*et is listed but I was unable to find one that had it yet.Is anyone else using this product? And if so are you seeing results?

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Finally happy to say I feel a lot like me and "My three sons"

Okay maybe I am bit young to remember the 1960's sitcom "My three sons" but I was old enough to grow up with it on nick at nite as a child.Moving on.... :-)

I am glad to report that the PPD has passed which I can't help but wonder if it wasn't sticking around longer before due to the breastfeeding. I have to say that since I quite breastfeeding and quite beating myself up about not breastfeeding or not making enough milk or not being happy enough or goes on and on. I feel sooooooo much better it is as if two sumo wrestlers have been lifted off my shoulders. :-P I am enjoying baby boy tremendously I love his coos and smiles.I have even learned to take his colic/high needs in stride but even mothers without PPD struggle with babies with colic/high needs so I don't feel bad.I have even began to find the humor in situations like when I finally had to put him down today(which he absolutely hates)to get some housework done, I was vacuuming , he was screaming as usual and every time I would walk in front of him he would completely stop like he wasn't even crying at all I could do was chuckle.He has started finally sleeping a little longer stretches at night so that helps a bit.I have to say that I never knew that I would have to fail at something in order to feel better it seems so opposite of what you would think. But the breastfeeding just wasn't working out and I hate failing so it was killing me to fail at it. In retrospect with a much clearer head there were several things working against me: Horrible labor and birth experience, bad breastfeeding experience, extreme weight gain, migraines, lack of outside friends or family etc support, complications during pregnancy, history of IF, money struggles,sleep deprivation,complications and long healing time of tear and stitches,high needs colicky baby and unsympathetic OB. All of these things made for a very very depressed stressed tired me who could not even enjoy her new baby boy to the extent that she could have. Now I can and it is wonderful.I needed help way before it was offered to me and in the end I never took any medication for depression.(Not that I am against medication, I by all means am not at all, the timing just was not right for me since it was not offered until things were already better by 60% or more, at that point it's like what's the point? And they were continuing to get better with each passing week) My OB did not offer it until about 1 and a 1/2 weeks before I told you girls about the PPD which by then the worst was passing. I had hid the worst of it from my OB partially because she seemed unsympathetic when I told her about my bad birth experience so I closed down emotionally to her.(remember she was not there the night I gave birth)In the end giving up breast feeding and pumping,going back on my migraine preventative medicine and going for walks for exercise with my husband and the boys around our local mall is what helped me.And now my little monkey is also letting me get 4-5 hours in a row of sleep instead of getting up every 2 hours like he was that was very hard to do by myself plus get everyone else up, make sure hubby is up for temp job at 3 am, son for school and toddler and baby boy.It was maddening I am adjusting since I am able to have more sleep and am not up every 2 hours and also have more time since I am not breastfeeding and pumping.And on top of it all in the last 2 weeks without much more than watching what I eat a bit more and a few walks I have lost 8 pounds and I am hoping to lose more which will help me to continue to feel more like me. I have several more pounds to go to get to my pre pregnancy weight but I will continue to work at it.I have few more than those to get to my pre fertility med weight as those alone put 15-20 pounds on me ugh! As the weather gets better we plan to walk as a family outdoors several nights a week. My weight got out of control while I was pregnant because no one knew I had gained as much as I did because my OB's office apparently had a defective scale. I thought it was strange that I was not gaining very much I felt huge but shrugged it off since all pregnant women feel huge and was happy that my SCH had healed and that my baby was doing well. Unfortunately I thought it also meant that it was okay to give into cravings since I wasn't gaining weight. I figured if I wasn't gaining weight what was it gonna hurt? Right? Wrong!! Apparently their scale was defective and they did not know it so all of my readings were way off on the low side. Try 20+ pounds off yikes!! I didn't find this out until after I gave birth and came back in for a check up and they had a new scale they said theirs apparently had been broken for a long time (at least my entire pregnancy) and when they got their new one they saw all their patients weights jump up. Try being 2 weeks postpartum and weighing the same as you did when you were full term pregnant ,I cried when I got home,logically I knew why but it was hard to see the number be higher.Especially since I had no idea I weighed that much to begin with.So between the bed rest,no exercise allowed my entire pregnancy due to the SCH,the extra months of PIO and estrogen from before pregnancy throughout my 2nd trimester due to the SCH, and me having no clue because of a broken scale, my weight was doomed to be high and that it was.On a different note we got our taxes done not as big of a refund as it would have been if DH had worked the whole year but we are just glad that we didn't owe.I also made sure to put Mason in his tax deduction onesie just for our tax lady and I flashed her with it when she least expected it ,she laughed so hard.She has been doing my taxes for about eight years now so she is more like a friend then just my tax lady, she was sooo excited when Mason was born before the new year LOL. And before I go I thought I would share my inspiration with you all I have yet to share pics of my two older sons(Gavin 6 years soon to be 7 next week and Ayden 4 years old ) but I will today. I have been conflicted about doing this in the past but I have decided to share I may take it down later but for now I will post it. I am including one that has all three of my beautiful boys Gavin,Ayden and Mason on one of our mall outings, actually the first one as a family to go for a walk and we also let the older boys play at the play place. It was a good day and mommy found herself smiling ear to ear!I think that's it for now girls I have lots of pics to share of our day at the mall and Mason rockin his tax tee lol.I want to thank you all for your support on my last post about the postpartum depression your kind supportive words were greatly appreciated and meant a lot to me.

My snowflake items

My snowflake items
DH got me these after we officially accepted our set of snowflake babies