Canceled......

That is what happened.They canceled my transfer.Even though I understand why, it still was heartbreaking.DH and I are kinda in a sad funk.It all happened due to that cyst (the one they found in my other u/s's) at least that is what they believe. I will start from the beginning.Yesterday afternoon I had a very sharp pain on my left side by my ovary. A few hours later I started spotting and then today when I went in for the u/s it became a real flow.After they did the u/s it really got things going. I told them about the spotting when I first went in.So they said they would try to figure out what is going on.When they were performing the u/s they saw that a) the follicles had not grown b) I had blood/fluid in my uterus and c) that the cyst was gone most likely it ruptured or drained itself.The theory is that the cyst ruptured and therefore caused my body to have a period.They said that cysts accumulate hormones and that when they rupture or drain that it releases those hormones and they trick your body into thinking it is time for a period. So here I am starting from scratch.We are going to move forward again just as soon as I get my next period.It is so frustrating to go through all that the follistim shots,u/s,blood work and appointments that were an hour away just to have it come out this way. Now we have to regroup and figure out how we will pay for all new meds and labs etc all over again.Sorry girls I am just in a down in the dumps mood.I told hubby that I just wanted to come home and put on my jammies and as I was doing so I just totally broke down after keeping a brave front all day.DH did his best to comfort me even though he is sad too.It doesn't help how I feel seeing as I still am sick with this cold or whatever it is that is giving me this deep chest cough, stuffiness and low grade fever off and on.I miss having insurance :-( So the new plan is to start birth control and then use the next cycle. I was not on birth control before all of this and I guess it is not always used in FET transfers. But sometime is.They wanted me to be on a low dose pill as that is all I need and I do not tolerate birth control well at all. I tried in the past to help my endometriosis but had to go off of it the first month because it gave me severe depression.Well the nurse tried to find the cheapest low dose pill as possible but nothing was cheap so I am on a higher dose one "gulp" since go figure it was cheaper only $9.00 compared to over $50.00.Again I miss being insured.They are having me take this to regulate my cycle (which it always was regular until this month) and help keep my ovaries "quiet" as they like to say.So I started with pill number 1 this afternoon.Here I go.........again.........

P.s. I would like to say thank you for all the words of encouragement that were on my blog today when I got home, even though you all didn't know it yet it was just what I needed.

another u/s and b/w today

I have an appointment today for another u/s and bloodwork.I will let you know how it goes.God bless you all.

New plan

I have to up my dose by 25IU's I am a little concerned about my meds running out.I am supposed to continue this for the next 4 days and then go in on tuesday for another u/s and b/w.When they checked me today I had a couple very small follicles on my right side and I still have a cyst on my left.They are not concerned by the cyst but want to watch it.The follicles they said were maybe 6's at best.I am trying not to get discouraged but it just felt like bad news.On top everything I am still fighting this cold or whatever it is.Making me feel pretty yucky.On tuesday I will know further what my next step is.I guess this really doesn't change my transfer date if I respond to the higher dose. They were thinking they were gonna have me go in for it on the 24th if I had responded to the lower dose first. I guess when they gave me the 28th it was most likely worst case scenario.Which I am glad because that was the date I was planning on.But who knows even that could change.I will kep you all posted.Shot number 5 is done now of the higher dose.So onto number 6 tomorrow.

4 days of shots down and u/s and b/w tomorrow

So I have officially had 4 days of shots a couple hurt worse than the others but still nothing terrible.I also have a couple very small welts and nice pretty purple bruise on my tummy.My u/s and b/w are tomorrow morning so I will know more then.I have a question for all of you that have used follistim, did you experience extra tiredness and mood swings on it.Because I have been more tired than normal and feeling more on edge and stressed out.Just was hoping for some insight from others that have been there.

Say hello to my little friend...

So I had my first shot tonight.I tried to practice last night with a pen that had saline in it that my friend gave me (she is an MA) and I just could not bring myself to do it.I think the anticipation is what was getting to me.So I gave up and am having my MA friend do all my injections including my HCG shot.She gladly came over after work tonight to give it to me.And will do the same every day unless I tell her not to.We are not having DH do it because he gets a bit wuzzy (a lot more than wuzzy)when he thinks people are hurting me (just go back to my post about my mock transfer and read how he reacted to that) so having him do it would kind of make him and I both nervous.She is happy to do it and I have known her since we were both 3 so I am comfortable with her doing it plus she does this every day at work so she has lots of practice.Anyway it went well and didn't really hurt at all.Just a tiny sting of the very thin needle and pressure of the pen meeting the skin.So here we are 1 down and probably about 8-9 more to go.It could be more or less depending on how my body responds.I have blood work and an ultrasound on this Friday at 9:45 am. (yes those are my very warm, fuzzy,soft and pink pj pants in the pic,I have a few different pairs in different colors they are great,but pink is my favorite color)

we have our plan and our meds!!

So I went in today and had my ultrasound and they said everything looked good.They said my lining thickness was right were it should be.Also I picked up my meds today from there.I feel so blessed as all of our meds were donated to us (except the prometrium,estrace,valium and antibiotics those were all covered by insurance ,when we still had it).We received 600IU's of follistim from a wonderful fellow blogger that used the same RE and it just about to have her twin boys! The donor co ordinator knowing our situation with DH being laid off and no insurance has been watching for donated meds to come in and has over the last few weeks managed to secure me a HCG shot and another 300IU's of follistim.DH and I feel so blessed at the kindness of others.I inturn donated my ovidrel that I couldn't use and 2 months worth of clomid to hopefully help someone else out that needs it too.Wow this is really happening DH and I thought we weren't going to be able to do it this month and were feeling down.But what a difference a day makes. My transfer day is tenatively set for February 28th.That is only 2 weeks away! I start my meds on Monday night and I have another ultrasound with bloodwork on next friday morning.So here I go girls on this wild ride known as IVF! Thanks for the kind and encouraging comments and God Bless you all.....

got the call

I don't have much time but the update is the transfer is still on .Yeah!! I am leaving for the ultrasound in 14 minutes.It is at 2:30pm and it takes an hour to get there.I will update more later.

Waiting for a call

Well I still don't have an answer on whether or not we will be still proceeding with our transfer using this cycle.I called again today just to find out that our donor co ordinator will not be in until either tomorrow or monday.I did talk to one of the other nurses there and they are not sure if I will be allowed to proceed since it would be about 3-5 days under the time limit for waiting for the 30 days to pass after the vaccine. They were unable to get me answers either as both doctors were not in.So here I wait for the call.As soon as I get the call and if they decide it's still happening I have to race to the office an hour away and have an ultrasound to check my lining.So I am basically on call tomorrow unable to make any other plans as they do not know when they are gonna call me.Of course when I heard we may have to wait another month or so depending if AF cooperates, it broke my heart and I have been teary most of today as I was very much looking forward and counting down to this.

what is going on here?

Well in the most confusing twist it seems that AF has shown herself about 5-7 days early with no warning , which never ever happens to me.I have no idea why this is maybe stress?The thing is I have no real cramps but the flow is red and medium to heavy.The no real cramps thing is confusing as I have endometriosis and I always have bad cramps during AF. I am not sure if this will really mess things up because I am supposed to wait 30 days after the rubella vaccine to get pregnant.I did get the shot 3 days before my cut off to get it and that would put me only about 1-2 days off of the 30 days if any as I am not sure how I respond to the meds and we maybe transferring a couple days later than thought anyways.Also my RE was booked for February originally so I am not even sure they could squeeze me in for a transfer.I tried calling the office today and my donor nurse is out today UGH! So I have to wait for answers until tomorrow.On the other side of things if this doesn't mess anything up this means we will be transferring a lot earlier than I thought.Like a week or so earlier.

getting myself ready

So we are officially in the end wait time before the transfer.We are at about 3 weeks actually less and I think I am still in disbelief at how fast this is coming up and that it is actually becoming reality.DH has been helping clean out the basement and a few other things since he was laid off from work.So we have learned to look on the bright of this as best we can such as the fact that he will be here an able to go to the transfer and when I am on bed rest to take care of me and the boys and our 2 young dogs.So no need to try to find outside help "whew" which would have been a friend most likely.I am not real crazy about bringing someone in that I will feel I have to "entertain" and worry how clean the house is when I am supposed to be resting, so this is perfect.I am most comfortable with DH and he knows pretty much how things run around here.Well I went for my shots last week but after I got into see the nurse she looked up my record and said my tetanus shot was still good for a couple more years so there was no need to get that.YEA! But the rubella was awful she seemed like she had been doing this for years but was at a point where she should quit due to age.She kept dropping things on the floor and kept forgetting what I told her.My heart goes out to her but it was a bit scary having her come at me all shaky with a loaded needle.She used a spring loaded retractable needle but did not wait until after she pulled it out to hit the retract button. So it was all the way in my arm and she hit it and the needle jerked very quickly out of my arm which hurt so bad!!I told my friend from childhood about this as she is a MA and she was appalled that she would do such a thing.She said that type of needle is only made that way to prevent sticks to the person giving it and that it is not meant to retract until you are completely out of the patient.This came up because I told her how bad my arm was still hurting and how bad the shot it self hurt and she said that because of the way the lady did it was going to hurt more during and after.I was like great, she told me to keep cold compresses on it and that it was probably going to get a decent size bruise and it sure did! Well I have some better news because of our lay off situation they only had me pay the administration fee and not the shot fee so it was a blessing.Well I am getting sleepy so it is time for me to head off of here for tonight.

Shots today

So I talked to the health department and wow shots aren't cheap, but I need to has this done so off I go to get poked.But the bonus is I may be getting two pokes.Ah yes not one but two sticks by my friend the needle as it seems my tetanus shot has expired now too. I talked to my RE's office after I was looking at my inoculation record card and realized that it was out of date, and asked if that was okay to get before the transfer.The nurse said it looks like it may be permitted in some stages of pregnancy but if they will let me have both that would best.Ugh...Um thank you may I have another, comes to mind.But I know this is all for the best.Looks like I will be getting my MMR (measles, mumps and rubella) shot which will cost $62.00 and a tetanus shot which version I am not sure yet.There are 2 one is $34.00 and it has tetanus and diphtheria the other version costs $50.00 and has tetanus,diphtheria and something else in it.The receptionist at the health department said it depends on what the nurse decides I need and that is what I will get.So while we were at the store today and I was brainstorming about good sources of iron it came to me and DH that it would be wise to buy some ensure shakes as they have iron, protein and tons of other good stuff for you.So I did but I am trying the store brand chocolate ones as they were quite a bit cheaper.He was all for it wanting to make sure I am as healthy as possible before the transfer.I still have some things I want to get done around here,the basement is still calling my name.DH is taking on some projects that have been neglected while he was working such as installing towel rods for the bathroom that we bought over a year ago,caulking the tub, and painting the walls in the hallway to the basement.There are a few more things that he wants to get done too.

Blood test results

Well the RE office called today and the nurse from there wanted to let me know the results of me and DH's bloodwork and a couple of other details before march.First and foremost DH was fine in his bloodwork. But there were 2 small things with mine , first they said my iron is low and asked if am I taking an iron supplement? I of course answered yes I am since there is iron in my prenatal vitamins that I have been on for the last 10 years but also I was prescibed a separate over the counter supplement about 3 years ago or so when my PCP figured out that I had low ferrous sulfate levels. My hair was falling out like crazy, I mean really falling out. And after months of them not being sure what it was they figured out that it was my stored iron (ferrous sulfate) not my regular iron levels. Well now it seems that my regular levels are dropping too.So I need to eat iron rich foods, if anyone has any ideas , since my body doesn't seem to be absorbing the supplement as much as it should.I need to do this along with taking my supplements.My endometriosis which causes very heavy and painful AF's is to blame for my iron troubles.They were not overly worried but said I should work on my iron,doesn't affect the timeline for IVF but they just want me to be as healthy as possible. The second thing is I guess it showed that I show low immunity to rubella so I need to go get re vaccinated for that before a potential pregnancy.So I am going to see if they do that cheap at the health department since we do not have health insurance any longer.She said the latest I could have it done by was next friday.So I will try for monday or tuesday just to get it out of the way.YEAH another poke!!! We also set up a potential timeline for transfer which would land us at about March 1st,2nd or 3rd .Wow that is getting close.Of course it will all depend on my AF in February but they have been exactly 28 days since the clomid , go figure!

Moving right along

Well AF is here so that meant I had to go get bloodwork done, they wanted me to go have it drawn on either day 1-3 of my cycle.So I went and did that yesterday which I never enjoy due to my very small veins that like to twist.Either way she proceeded to take 11 vials of blood ( holy cow!) from me and my hand went numb and I couldn't feel it even for a bit after she finished.I knew I had a lot they were running but sheesh.DH got his drawn too but only had 4 vials drawn.Anyway that is all that's new on the IVF news. We are hanging in there hubby has been pretty down today as we tried to apply for his unemployment etc.

DH's job and embryo transfer update

Well it's official DH just called me a few hours ago and he was laid off.I have been asked by a few people if we will press on with our transfer that is due to be march and the answer is "yes".I know it may seem like odd timing to some but I have been waiting to try IVF for 10 years and here it is.We have more reasons and they are as follows: we have a lot of money already paid into this and it is nonrefundable (more to pay but more in than out),I am not getting any younger (just turned 32) and 34 seems to be the big marker for this before a decrease in success rates,and most of all we are just ready to add to our family this has been something we have been excited about ever since we got the call on December 29th that they had embryos for us. DH just lights up when he talks about it.Which is a huge contrast from the day when they gave us his SA results in the RE office and they were very grim and as soon as the lady walked out he broke down.He never cries but I could see he was holding it back and that it was coming but none the less it surprised me that he felt as deep as I did.And at that moment I fell in love with him all over again.So this has brought us hope where there wasn't any and boy do I love to see that adorable man smile! We got all of our paperwork notarized a few days ago so that is set.(required by the office) I also picked up my estrace,antibiotics, xanax,medrol and prometrium from the pharmacy.I wanted to run the ones through that are covered like the antibiotics,xanax, estrace ,medrol etc since they are not considered infertility before our insurance is canceled on Monday.I still need a few other meds for it but I think we will definately have to shop around for them.I am thinking it will be one of the mail order places through the office, freedom is one of them I think.We continue to pray to God every day asking that he show us the way through this time of need.I know there are others of you that are also struggling with job loss and I ask that God bless you all.

Bad news...DH may be getting laid off permanently

Please if you can say a prayer for us as DH may be getting laid off permanently.He just told me last night and seeing as he is the sole provider for the family it will hit us hard.He was supposed to find out tonight at work (he works 2nd shift) but he called and said all they have said so far is about 80 jobs are being cut which is a third of the total jobs.Ouch! It's a union shop so it is all done on seniority and even if you get missed someone can bump you out of your job if they have been there longer.(he has only been there just under 3 years) We will hopefully find out tomorrow but no later than Friday.DH was adamant that he wanted to press on with the embryo transfer in March no matter what since so many things have fallen into place before this.But what I am scared of is affording it and everything that goes with it.I know I need to be strong for him and try not to get stressed out, but how? We have some of our meds covered but not all.And we have put some money down and gotten somethings out of the way (like the mock transfer) but not all .It is so hard to be this close but feel like it may slip away.......I'm sad and scared girls.

ps.Those ovulation predictor coupons are still available if there is anyone who wants them.