Getting closer

Wow it has been a while since I last posted and I was seriously going to try to not let that happen but here I am.So let's catch up I took my last BCP today TA DA gone.Now I wait for AF let's hope she is not as tardy as last time.I am to call the RE office when she arrives and inform them of my start day and we go from there. I begin stimming on CD day 5.Last time I only required 5 days of stims so hopefully I respond the same.If and this is a big if AF arrives on time and I respond to my meds like I did last time then my tentative FET date will be somewhere around April 27th-29th. Unfortunately this would also place my beta on or right by Mother's Day an aspect that I am not so crazy about but, hey what do you do?? I mean it could be great news but if it's not then well it be kind of a downer. I am sure I do not have to explain.So remember when I said I ordered my meds well it has taken until tonight at 6pm to get it all straightened outIt has also taken about 10 phone calls over the last week.Crazy! Seriously! So finally now they should be shipped out tomorrow.One item is supposed to arrive tomorrow we will see if it does and the rest is due to arrive on Thursday.For some reason my case being was passed back and forth at the mail order specialty pharmacy.They could only fill part of my order at one location,(Texas) and the rest will come from ann arbor in my own state.After phone tag on different days, my case waiting for assignment, them breaking up the order, and then after we thought it was complete and we were reviewing it finding out the RE forgot to call something in and having to wait for that to be added we are finally done Sheesh! So even after all the comments I received on how many to transfer I still was struggling with what to do.There were a few reasons. I thought I had my mind made up after we left the initial consult ( Transfer 3), but then a nurse I know was very opinionated with me on what she thought(2),I was given info through the same nurse on was the embryologist thought(2), so I then asked for more info on the embryo grades that the donors had used when they got PG and the previous couple before as I wanted to compare grades and then I had a nurse present this info to a doctor (it's was the other RE) along with our info he said he felt that our chances of multiples were less than the first doc intially stated (back at 3). Oy! I had never been so confused in my life.I was really struggling with all of this on Sunday night I really was not sure about transferring 3 but was scared to only transfer 2.I really was starting to lean towards transferring only 2 when I got a call the next day from the RE's office it was the nurse. She was calling to tell me that they (my RE and the embryologist) had their review of my case since my transfer was coming up and have decided that only 2 will be transferred. I can not tell you the feeling of relief that passed through my body to not have to make that decision any more.But I just really wish that would have been the answer I got weeks ago when I first asked at our consult so I would not have been stressing this whole time.Either way it is done. So true how God knows just what you need and when you need it.He knew this decision was to big for my heart and he made it for me what a loving father, taking care of his daughter.All of this uncertainty has been part of the reason I have not blogged much as I just could not get into a good calm mental place but now I am finally get there AWWWW relief :) So we are looking at about 2 weeks girls, I am sure it will be here before we know it. I am nervous and scared and excited all in one. This time has been harder and more lonely as we are not telling anyone like before so even though I have a very small support system to begin with, it's even smaller with me not telling hardly anyone. I have only told about 3 people and 1 was completely necessary as they will be watching the boys during transfer.My family does not know and would most likely say something that would upset me or stress me out so this seems to be the wisest move.Plus it is very hard having many people know and ask if it worked afterwards and hounding you for when are you going to take a PG test. So while this does make a very lonely time and make me feel dishonest I am trying to learn from last time and all of these things are stuff I experienced.Well girls I guess that is it for now but I will try harder to blog more. God bless you all!

Ordered meds and the answer to the follie question

I ordered my meds today and am currently on bcp pill 11. That means I have 6 more to go. I wanted to answer of couple of you that had questions regarding why they want me to produce a follicle if I am using donor embryos. :-) So here goes.They want me to produce at least 1 follicle because at my clinic they are trying to replicate the natural cycle that a women's body would go through if she got PG on her own.I know at some clinics others are given transfer dates ahead of time and they know when they will be having their FET. Well because of the way my clinic does it,I do not. They go by my body and cycle and what all monitoring tells them. They decide when to transfer after I have responded to stims enough to make a 1 good follie and after my lining is looking good etc. I kinda liken it to double dutch jump rope they are waiting, watching and ready to jump in to action. Ready for that moment when my body would have ovulated and they time that with the transfer so that my body indeed thinks that the embies trying to implant are not just there by accident but that I ovulated and created them therefore my body now needs to get busy taking care of them and nurturing them ;-)This is the same protocol as last time so and is just the way they do things. Doesn't make any other RE's way wrong just is what my clinic likes to do and finds works for them.Any more questions please feel free to ask :-) I love hearing from all of you.

Mock and sono update along with a tenative plan

I had my mock transfer and sono today. They both went well but again were painful as I have a very difficult cervix.I was told everything looked good and that it went smoothly. He did tell me something that I was not aware of and that was that my cervix had torn during childbirth. I find it a tad bit annoying that no one EVER mentioned that to me.It would have been nice to know.And it also explains some of the intense pain I experienced for so long after I gave birth. Long after everyone kept saying that it shouldn't hurt that much still. I chalked it up to everyone is an individual and recovery time is different and that I had torn and had stitches sooo...But the pain I felt was not surface pain it was deep inside so NOW I know why.I am hoping that this in no way will affect me carrying a baby to term. My RE didn't seem overly concerned so I am guessing it will be okay. Just saying it would have been nice if someone felt the need to tell me.I probably should not be sharing this but while I was talking to him about the lack of knowledge about my torn cervix I mentioned that I had a horrible birth experience (My birth experience post part 1), part 2, part 3 and that the rotten resident doctor that delivered nanner was the one who never told me about it.I told him a bit about my experience and he said "wow, who did you have?" I then told him the name. He said "ohhhh...." I detected sympathy and a look of knowing came across his face. I then said you must know him and he said "yes he spent a month with us here,I normally don't say anything about other doctors but he is a doofus" He went on to tell me that the man had switched careers midlife and decided that he no longer wanted to be an engineer and decided at the of age late 40's to go into medicine.(lucky me) Unfortunately he was a much better engineer then doctor and he should have probably stayed one. You would think finding this all out would really upset me but hearing a doctor that I respect call him a doofus gave me some closure that I really, really needed.I always had that nagging feeling that all the stuff I felt about that guy was in my head and that maybe DH was just agreeing with me to make me happy.(Hey it happens) But to hear that someone else had the exact same opinion of him ,maybe not quite as bad as me since I actually gave birth with this man,but it healed my heart and gave me the peace and courage that if I get PG again that it doesn't have to be that bad as what are the chances that I will get an engineer to deliver my baby again right???? Not to mention I asked my doctor if he was still around and he said to the best of his knowledge he is now back in Utah where he came from.(So sorry for you girls in Utah) So moving on I am on day day 3 of BCP's and they are giving me horrible headaches and making me nauseous everyday since I started taking them. Has anyone else experienced this on them. I am hoping it will pass. I am on lo seasonique.

My meds that I will have to get for this cycle are or am currently using are

BCPS-Taking currently and will continue for 17 days total, I have 14 left to go.

Valium-Took today for mock and sono and will get a another RX for the FET

Tetracycline-Took today for mock and sono and will get another RX for the FET

Follistim- Have not purchased yet, this is started about CD 5 of my next period and continued until they get at least one good follie.


Lupron -Have not purchased yet,this was used last time to help keep things quiet as I tend to get ovarian cysts.I believe it was given for a few days before follistim was started last time.

HCG trigger shot- Have not purchased yet, this is given about 4 days before FET

Medrol-Have not purchased yet, this is taken 2 days before FET

Progesterone/prometrium-Have not purchased yet, this I will start 2 days before the FET and continue until my beta or until 11 weeks PG

I did use estrogen last time but they have discontinued it as part of their protocol after studies have shown there was no effect in increased pregnancy outcomes.So no estrogen this time.

I am bit scared to see how much the meds come to (we don't have IF coverage)I am hoping they have come down in price in the last year and a half or so.Hey a girl can dream can't she :-) We turned in the rest of our paperwork today and now the mock and sono are completed.I am on day 3 soo to be day 4 of BCP's and that is where I am at. Now we wait for my next AF.I can't believe I am really doing this, I am scared and exciting all in one.

Finally!

So AF arrived friday morning (CD 43) with quite a bang.While I am glad she came finally I am not digging how bad she is acting. The pain is no fun at all.I called the Re's and told them and I am now scheduled for my mock/sono on Tuesday the 29th of march next week. I also am supposed to start my BCP's this Sunday. Apparently AF came just late enough but too early for us to use this cycle for "the" cycle so my transfer will be with my next period. The nurse did say I could shorten the BCP's and only take them for 17 days in order to shorten things up a bit if I want.So there you have it here I go... P.s Thank you Marilyn for the AF rain dance you did for me lol I think it worked!! Your too funny girl but atleast you made me laugh and that was what I needed:-)

An update on things

So still no AF, yup really no AF.I have no idea where in the world she is.And yes I have taken 2 HPT's spaced 4 days apart.So no chance of a surprise, but I never really thought that was a possibility anyways. So at first I was thinking AF being late was a bad thing since it would delay my transfer and make it so I would not make my April goal for a transfer. But if she isn't too much later it could be a good thing.See they were not using this cycle for my transfer anyways only for my mock and sono.But after I talked to the nurse she said that if my AF gets here late but obviously not too late we can use it for my transfer. Which would move my transfer up from late April/early may to early/mid April.So I am trying to see this as a good thing. It also means that I do not have to take BCP's.They were going to use those to control my cycle before.I am currently on CD 40. I am normally a 27 to 28 cycle girl so this is crazy.I think the longest I have had between is 42 days and that was after I had Nanner and several months ago. I have not recently lost anymore weight, started exercising etc.I have even stopped really thinking about it hoping that would help.That is why I haven't blogged until now.We did have our required counseling appointment last week and that went good.We turned in all but one of our paper works as it got left at home but they said it was fine to bring it to our sono/ mock and have them witness it then.In other updates my oldest "G" turned eight last week I can't believe how big he is getting.Time moves so fast.Nanner is talking up a storm and running like crazy.He is big on using his manners lately.And my middle son "A" who is 5 soon to be 6 warms my heart with his ever growing thoughtfulness. Well girls that is where I am for now, kinda in the middle of nowhere.So I guess I will getting going so I can hurry up and wait some more :-)

For the woman who contacted me

I received an email recently from a woman looking to talk with me about embryo adoption who said she was referred to me by a friend, I am hoping that she will read this as I am completely unable to find her email.I have been using a wireless connection and it has been sketchy lately and been dropping frequently.During one of these drops I think your email got lost after I had already opened it to read it. I now can not find it all. I am not sure what happened to it. I did get remote assistance from my computer guy and maybe he accidentally lost it while cleaning out and restoring some stuff while I was having troubles. Either way I am very anxious to get back to you and hoping that you resend it.I just wanted to let you know I have not forgotten you.

Estimated FET

I called my RE's office on Friday and the lady that schedules the FET's was out so I had to leave a message. She called me back today and I officially paid the deposit ($275.00) to get on the schedule and hold a place for my FET. It is tentatively going to be in late April.At least that is what the lady was guessing by the date of my last AF so we will see.So now all we do is wait.I am supposed to call them the first day of my next AF so we can schedule my mock and sono. So here I go girls this is really happening.... :-)

My consult today, what do you think? *Updated at bottom*

I had my consult today and I asked all the questions I needed to ask, I think? :-) I have been kinda of out of it due to being sick.We got dumped on by a bunch of snow last night, 7-8 inches so it made the travel to our RE a bit more difficult today. It is normally about 40-45 minutes in good weather but it took us over an hour.We discussed the quality of the embryos,which all three are even better than the ones that created Nanner, but we know that quality isn't everything.Timing,your body and God have a lot to do with it too.So I know that there is no guarantees this will work.I did ask how many he recommends we transfer and he said at least 2 and that the 3rd was up to us if we were willing to accept the chance of multiples.DH and I have been discussing this and this where some of our thoughts are on this.I am going to try to give you girls the facts so that you can help weigh in and tell me what you think we should do.

-RE says risks for multiples is low if we put in all three but none the less it is a risk he said it is 5-10% for triplets and 10-20% for twins

-We could lose embryos in the thaw therefore making this a non issue but we need to know what we want ahead of time

-RE made a point to say that we transferred 3 last time and only ended up with 1 baby and said that is pretty typical for a frozen transfer

-We know that we are pretty sure that this is it for us this year that we can not afford to do another transfer if this does not work, so the 1 remaining embryo could be sitting there frozen for another year or more

-But if it does work the 1 remaing embryo could still be sitting there for a year or more

-If we do not transfer all 3 embies that will leave us with 1 embie in storage (and hefty storage fees to pay), that may or may not make the thaw next time and may or may not become a baby.But it most certainly does not give us much to work with in the event of trying again.Even if we were able to afford to get on the list and matched again our clinic does not mix embies (which I am glad for since it allows me to know which profile belongs to the baby I may be carrying) which means we would have to try with one embie total providing it made the thaw, before we could proceed with new embies.(wow I am hearing $$$)

-I once read that for each embie transferred you have about a 30% chance of becoming pregnant so it would stand to reason that with 3 your chance is good.So that works out to 90% chance respectively.

-Our current embies are not blasts they are a 4 cell grade 1,a 2 cell grade 1 and a 3 cell grade 2+ (our previous set that made Nanner was a 7 cell grade 2,a 4 cell grade 2 and a 6 cell grade 3, He said the grade 3 embie was pretty bad but you never know that could be the one that made Nanner :-) Our current set is higher quality than our previous. I know different clinics have different rating systems, I guess grade 1 is the highest and and a 2+ is about equal to a 1 it's like getting a B+ in school almost an A but not quite. Both sets of embies were and are sets of three.

-There is a chance that this won't even work and this is all for nothing :-( I know I shouldn't think like that,but really we could put all 3 in and none take that's the reality.

-This set is not a genetic set to the one that made Nanner so you can not compare outcome except that I was able to carry a pregnancy finally....

-Here is the background on the previous parents and recipient:
Set began as 10,
Genetic parents transferred 1 =one live birth
First recipient transferred 2 =low positive preg test no live birth
First recipient transferred 3 =2 babies live birth for both
1 embryo was lost in thawing process by one of the previous parents
3 left in storage for us :-)


So there you have some of the facts I am not sure if I have left anything out that would help you to help me make a decision if I have and anyone has any questions please let me know.DH said he is ultimately ok with transferring all 3 but it is my body and and I have the final say.I just want to do the right thing and I also am scared that I will make the wrong decision and it won't work.Now as far as time frame goes for when we might do this cause I know you are all wondering that :-) The RE said we could do as early as a April or May transfer if we get on the schedule.So I am thinking that over as I didn't think I would do another transfer in April but now I am reconsidering it (Marilyn tell Tim thanks for that one lol).So here we are digesting our appointment today and deciding where to go from here.I am going to be keeping closer track of what is spent this time total for when people email and ask me so that I can tell them.We do not have fertility coverage so ours may be higher than some but it will give an idea for those of you just beginning this journey.Today's visit just to talk to the doctor $189.00 out of pocket.Ouch! But what you gonna do? :-) Well that's it for now girls thank you for your well wishes for me and Nanner they are greatly appreciated, ((hugs)) to you all...

Update -To answer your question Tammy yes they are all in separate straws:-)

-Our office said that multicells tend to make the thaw better than blasts due to their lesser stage of development.

-Also all 3 of our previous embryos from Nanners set made the thaw.

-It was thought by my OBGYN that I was PG with twins but it got missed until I had my bleed/SCH at 9 weeks 1 day (there is an entry in blog about it) at which time I lost one so it is possible that 2 initially took.But no one will ever know for sure.

-I/we are not scared of twins/multiples per se just of complications during PG and to the babies.

-I have so LOVED hearing from all of you it has been wonderful to get your input all of you are WONDERFUL!!! Thank you so much it so appreciated! I sat and read all of your comments to DH :-)

Our consult for our next FET is here

Seems like I just made the appointment and was worried how far off it was and now it is here.I am excited however I am so sick so it dampens the mood a bit.I did write down my questions so my feverish brain doesn't forget what I wanted to know :-) My appointment is at 9:40 am Monday and I will be updating on here as soon as I am able.I will be discussing the quality of our embies,how many they think we should transfer,approx time frame for our FET and basically where we go from here to name a few things.So there it is for now girls I will update when I know more.

And the winner of the monitor is.....

Nanner drew the winning name today out of his cement mixer truck :-) Even though he is under the weather. The poor little guy came down yesterday with vomiting,diarrhea and has been running a fever.At it's highest today it was 101.4 but he didn't let that stop him from his official duty of picking the winner. But that will explain why he was less than smiles on the video.He still had fun doing it and continued drawing them all and putting back over and over again after we were all done lol Watch the video below for the winner,have a wonderful Saturday everyone!

My clear plan/clear blue fertility monitor giveaway is still going on

I have decided not to draw a name until Saturday February 19th due to multiple people being interested and requests still coming in.And I want to give anyone who may not have heard about it a chance to get in on it.So there you have it an official name drawing date. I will have "Nanner" draw the name because at 14 months he is as random as they come these days. Lets just hope he doesn't eat it before I can read it. LOL. So if anyone else is interested please leave a comment and a way to contact you if it doesn't link back to your blog or leave me a personal email if you would rather, my email is on my blog. My email is on the right hand side if you scroll down a little bit plus it is in my blogger profile.Take care girls :-)

Could anyone out there use this?? I am giving it away :-)

I have been in a clean out mood lately. And I came acrossed my clear plan/clear blue fertility monitor.I of course used this with no luck as my issues were so much larger than this little device could help me with.But I did spend a good chunk of change on it and really hate to see it go to waste just sitting around.I will never ever use it or need it again so it seems silly to hold on it.It is the same as the clear blue monitor they just changed the name on them about hmmm maybe 4-5 years ago. It works great! My body just doesn't :-( So if one of my readers thinks they may be able to give it a good home please let me know.As I am giving it away for free. You can either email me or leave me a comment. If I get more than one request for it I will be drawing a name.This is a link to a an old post in which it is pictured. You can buy replacement test sticks for it at drug.storecom, amaz.on,e.bay and a few other places you just have to search online.The monitor has already been cleaned and wiped down with alcohol just for your peace of mind :-P Hugs to my girls, love hearing from you and have been looking back at old posts and comments remembering some of you that I haven't heard from in FOREVER!! MISS YOU!!

Consult appointment for next FET is scheduled

Well I called my RE's office this week and made my consultation appointment.I could hardly believe it when they said they were scheduled out a month just to get in for a consult.So I took first available which was a month out.I ended up having to call the office back later that day for something I forgot to ask and got lucky as there was a cancellation so I got in 1 week earlier.Thank goodness for forgetting to ask questions the first time around :-)So my consult appointment is set for February 21st at 9:40 AM. We will be discussing our game plan and what we need to do to get the ball rolling in order to proceed with our next transfer.I did find out that they had yet another price increase.Ouch!!Just since last summer when I called.They have had a few since we got matched in December 2008.Just to give you an idea the price to get matched for our first was $800.00 ( year 2008) that does not include monitoring,labs, ultrasounds, meds,or transfer it is just the matching fee.It then went up to $1,800 (2009) and I was informed it again went up just this past summer to $2,225(2010).They have not had their price increase for 2011 yet but I am told it usually happens in the summer. Umm... ok, no pressure here...So we are hoping to get in before things go up yet again.Because the price increases did not just affect the matching fees it affects all the fees including mock transfers,hysto sono,(which I am due for both of those)u/s's,transfers etc. All fee's. While we don't necessarily need to get matched again, we do have three embies waiting for us.There is the fear that what if it doesn't work,they make the thaw etc. We will be discussing what the RE feels we should do when we go.He will be able to tell us if he believes we need additional set as he can discuss the quality of our remaining embryos with us at that time.I know that we pretty much have only one shot at this in 2011 unless a miracle happens.So if our set doesn't make it and we have paid out all our money on meds monitoring etc.There will not be enough to for everything next time.So then we are through for 2011. Which will be heartbreaking.Plus we know we want more kids so it might not be a horrible idea (if we can afford to) to get on the list before it goes up again. Gulp! So there you have it girls thats the latest.I will also leave you with some photos of my cuties.

Learning young what Michigan winters are all about lol Believe or not they beg to shovel, yeah I have no idea.... lol







My oldest son "G" and his first night in his new big boy bed, just moved out of his toddler bed.


Nanner and his very first subway kids pack, He loved it!



Me with my baby boys on my birthday.






Our homeschool project peanut butter pinecone bird feeders



Guess who's walking completely unassisted and very steadily.

Thank you so much fellow blogger Melissa for the award

I received this award from a fellow sweet blogger Melissa,thank you so much and I always enjoy hearing from you!

Here are the rules for the acceptance of the award:

1.Thank and link back to the person who awarded you the award.

2.Share 7 things about yourself.

3.Award 15 other bloggers.

4.Contact these bloggers and tell them about the award.


Hmmm 7 things about me....ok here they are in all there quirkiness :-)

1.I sometimes get slightly annoyed when I sneeze multiple times and it almost always annoys me if I do it while driving as it causes my eyes to close and well I kinda like to see where I am going :-P ( I know your laughing already)

2.I love turkey jerky and beef jerky

3.I love giraffes, to the point where my boys own several pieces of clothing and toys that have them on them and I have a few decor and pictures around my home of them (they were taken by me and my mom on separate trips at different zoo's and enlarged):-)And I have turned nanner into a monkey fanatic.

4.I love love love music and love to dance but don't get to do so as much as I like to :-(

5.I love the color pink ,I mean adore it. I have no exact idea why but I it makes me feel good.It may be because I am surrounded by all boys and all I ever see is blue???? lol

6.I am afraid of snakes yup sure am, I have what I like to think is a very healthy dose of fear as I saw a neighbor when I was in my 1st marriage at the age of 18 get bit over and over and over by her "pet" large ball python snake while her boyfriend was helpless to stop it and could not get the snake to uncoil from her arm. The whole incident was unprovoked and happened very suddenly. So yup the whole bloody episode has scarred me for life and I very happy to keep my fear and am not looking to change it thank you!

7.I long for more family.I long to have a more involved mother, sister, brother etc.(my father died when I was a young teen)I am not jealous of what people have/own but of the family and relationships they have as I do not have that in my life.(hubby's family still is not on speaking terms with him/us so we don't have them either)I just wish I had that type of "family" to give to my boys but they just don't have any aunts and uncles, grandparents etc to make over them and take them for visits.I see my mom and sister and her family for holidays and maybe a couple of other times a year and that is it. I also wish I had it for me. What girl doesn't want a mother she can see as her best friend, I sure wish I had that...


Here are the bloggers I am passing this award on to:

Dana

Jess

Tammy

Michele

Tiffany

Kami

Melissa

Paige

Nichole

Ashley

Heather

Britney

Jen

Elizabeth

Hannah

It's my birthday! I'm turning umm 25 again :-)

Me at my birthday dinner







Daddy and Nanner at my birthday dinner



The boys at my birthday dinner






Brotherly love at my birthday dinner







Today is my birthday ,my 34th shhh it's a secret ;-) but we went out to dinner on Saturday to the Outback as that is one of my favorite restaurants and I don't have it much as the nearest one is about 35-40 minutes away. Actually the last time I was there was last year on my birthday lol.Not that we don't get to the city it is in much but we usually go for lighter food most days.Panera bread :-) also my favorite! Outback is a splurge for me since I have been trying to lose my fertility med weight and pregnancy weight. And I am happy to report that I have lost all but 2 pounds of it. I will be posting before and after pics on here.Let me know what you all think. I know one thing I sure as heck feel better.The total of weight lost since last February 23rd is 56 pounds.The grand total lost since I gave birth last December 15th is a whopping 73 POUNDS!!! I feel so different and much better in my own skin.I am now 2 pounds away from my wedding weight which who knows I might weigh less but since AF is here I may be weighing a bit more right now. I usually have water weight during her visit.Anyways we had a very nice meal it was delicious and we had a good time.It was me ,DH, my three boys and my older two boy's dad. Yup you read that right my ex.lol We have that good of a relationship. I know weird but it works and it was his weekend to have the boys so I invited him to join us so we would all be together.In other news I received an award from a fellow blogger and will be addressing that in my next post. Thank you so much Melissa at Frog hoppin daisy's.Now I will be sharing the before and after shots with you all so here they are.Hope everyone is doing well.((hugs))

Me about a week before I gave birth at my heaviest.


I was so miserable in my own skin this is last year on my birthday exactly one year ago today!

Me last February before I started my diet,this was taken while nanner was in the hospital with RSV. I hated having my picture taken back then and the mere sight of the photos made me cry.

Me on this past Saturday January 8th celebrating my birthday early,not minding my picture taken as much! Kinda hard to tell with all the layers I have on but the weight is gone! Michigan is C-O-L-D Girls!!!