Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Does anyone else have a stash like this.....

I am still in awe that I am pregnant but it hasn't come without many thoughts running through my head and the realization of things I have done through the years to try to get to this point that in the end did not work. I know it is probably time to throw these things out not just because I am pregnant but because they never ever worked for me.I am still nervous but also feel incredibly optimistic that this pregnancy is here to stay. I just feel like it was God's will to bring us to this option and his will to make it work.So I am trying to leave it in his hands, although admittedly I am still taking it easy to ease my own fears. I keep thinking about our due date which is Christmas day and I know that it will go faster than I think it will as the holidays always seem to sneak up on me.So on a different note here I display the stash I have.I guess you could add to the pile clomid,follistim and repronex with timed BDing and also follistim and repronex combined with IUI as none of those worked either. As well as the theory that after I had surgery for my endometriosis I would get pregnant easier ,because that never helped even with the many times I had surgery for it. I also took some common natural supplements that were supposed to help too but obviously they never worked. So here I look at all of this stuff and wonder why it is a bit difficult to let go.......Any theories out there? I know I will get rid of it in the end but why is something I have to think about?


The Pifer's said...

I found your blog through another, I hope it's ok if I follow you!

I am praying for you sweetie!!!!!


Nichole said...

I think as much as we all hate IF, it becomes who we are. It is how we identify ourselves, and when we are successful in becoming pregnant, there is that initial feeling of not belonging anywhere. All of those things (needles, drugs, pee sticks, books) that have gotten us through IF in the past are no longer needed to become pregnatn, but they are now needed more as a security blanket.

IF you is familiar, Pregnancy is not -

That is my theory for what it is worth - so happy for you my dear!

twondra said...

Of course it's hard for you! I don't think you'll feel really comfortable and relieved until you're holding your sweet baby (babies :)) in your arms.

Those 2 books look interesting. Would you recommend them?

I've been thinking so much about you!

Michele said...

You arent the only one! I have so much crap! Syringes, Gonal-F (which I'm tossing b/c it's open and now past the use by date), 4 Gonilreleix (which I know I just spelled pretty badly), 60 progesterone vag inserts, a partially used P17 bottle that needs to be tossed because I'll have to start a new one... You name it, we've got it. I agree with Nichole... It's part of who we are and I think keeping things like this, well, pregnant doesnt mean we arent IF... So we keep them. But, someday, I hope to toss them all!

Tiffany said...

It is hard to let go. I still haven't fully. I did get rid of my books about IF and IVF, but can't get rid of the rest. I wish I could tell you it gets better, but it doesn't. I still worry every single day. If only I had an u/s machine in my home I might feel a little better. IF doesn't go away, it is part of us and has made me who I am and made full of fear.

Anonymous said...

Congrats on your pregnancy! You've been through so much, I'll be praying for you.

Jen said...

Thanks so much for posting about this. It has caused me to think a lot about it. Yes, after 12+ years of IF and 5 adopted blessings who grew in my heart and not under it, I still have a tremendous desire to have a child or two that grow both in my heart and under it. This is one of the main reasons we are anxiously waiting to start our donor embryo cycle. In the past, I thought my desire was just to have children, but as I age- I turned 38 this year- I realized I truly have a desire to experience pregnancy, birth, and breast feeding. What a lot of emotional baggage!!!!

When you are ready to part with your IF goodies, please consider donating everything that you can to someone who can use it. I have received donated stuff in the past and have always been so grateful!!! If you need ideas of how to do it, please let me know. Even the drugs could be donated!!!


hopefaithlove said...

I do I just pulled out all my OPKs HPTS, needles, old follistim pens and preseed out from under the bathroom sink, sat on the floor staring at it for a while and started to cry! Tears or joy or saddness at the time I think both.

My snowflake items

My snowflake items
DH got me these after we officially accepted our set of snowflake babies