Taking a moment to remember my lost little ones...

Well inevitably in all of this looking forward to the IVF transfer in March there would be some apprehension on my part and also a look back to where I have been in all of this fertility and pregnancy business.So today I pulled out a box that I admittedly have not gone through thoroughly in quite some time but I have however glimpsed through the top of its contents a few times.It is a memory box that me and my ex husband made (wrapped it in angel paper) after we lost our first baby and then continued to contribute to when we lost our 2ND baby. It is amazing the things that you hold on to, because after a miscarriage there really isn't much that you are left with.I knew at the time that I didn't ever want to forget and that time has a way of stealing your memories from you.So I saved every little shred of proof that I was ever pregnant.For example I still have the office call paperwork receipt when I went in for a pg test at my PCP (it says ucg positive+), the office paperwork receipt from 3 days later after I saw my PCP and (it has a referral to a OBGYN on it), I have the hospital paperwork and bracelet from when I had my D&C ,hospital hat, 3 positive PG tests (yes they still read positive after 10 years!), a video clip from the local news that me and my ex are on when we were attending an opening for a pregnancy loss memorial garden that opened just 12 days after my D&C,the brochure from that, a single dried yellow rose that we got in honor of that baby,2 congrats your pregnant cards ,a few sorry for your loss cards, a couple of small stuffed animals (one was sent to me from similac because I registered with them while I was pg and it came after I miscarried, the other we bought),2 pregnancy books, even empty pill bottles for methergine and vicodine, they only pic ever taken of me pregnant,a few pics of the flowers we received after our first lost (most of the cards and all of the flowers were from our first lost as people just didn't seem to care as much after the second, at least it felt that way)and I have the second D&C hospital paperwork,brochure on D&C procedure amongst other things.(I still have the crib we bought when I was pregnant and a few other items) I actually have a second box of stuff but it is more like an over flow box for this one. This one has the majority of the memories in it.The other has just a few more dried flowers that we used to get on the anniversary of the loss of the babies and and few memorial stuffed animals etc.I also have a necklace that has both babies birthstones on it that I continued to wear for years.So here I am looking back remembering them (Ryan 10-10-1998 & Jessica 5-27- 1999) I never knew their gender for sure but I went with what my gut said and we named each one after losing them. I will never forget them but sometimes it gets harder and harder to feel like I was ever pregnant since it has been so long. I guess that is when it it time to pull out the box's and take a trip back in time.......