Thursday, January 15, 2009

ahhh friends...

So I decided to confide in what I consider to be a close friend of mine about what we are planning in March and it always amazes me how people either can't or won't monitor what they say to another human being. I was telling her and she was asking questions so I was answering them as she shot them at me.And then her first unwelcomed comment came out"Well it's a good thing you got that info packet on the bio parents with the health info in it because who knows what you might be getting, you wouldn't want to end up with some one armed monster or something".(insert her laughter here) I just tried to ignore her thinking she probably meant well.But later came unwelcomed comment number 2 "Well I just know that when we try in a few months that we are going to have no problem at all getting pregnant I just know it." For those of you that do not know what I know let me fill you in a) they have no kids, b)have never been pregnant in 4 years they have been together (haven't been trying, but no accidents either) c) I have been friends with her husband since I was 13(best friends) and happen to know that he has only 1 testicle due to a swimming accident when we were kids, d) that her husband was diagnosed as completely infertile after a SA in 2000 due to varicocele and they told him at this time that he needed to have surgery or he may never have kids. Well back then he told me he was scared to have the surgery and didn't want to take the time off work so he never had it done.According to her he still hasn't.She herself has had a few feminine troubles herself.Now don't get me wrong I don't wish infertility on anyone but it is a bit hard to deal with when you have someone saying over and over and over again, "I just know that I won't have any trouble at all getting pregnant, I just know and have a feeling I won't".She mentioned this multiple times throughout our visit (as if I hadn't heard her the first time) amongst many other less than comforting comments.Now I am all for optimism but I think she is being either a) naive or b) just plain mean and competitive, as us women can be sometimes and need to learn to not be.Either way my visit with her took place a couple days before my birthday last week and is still weighing on my mind so it obviously affected me and hurt me. I just feel like she was rubbing my miscarriages and infertility troubles in my face and that she herself is thinking it will be a breeze for her.I know that she has wanted a baby for a long time and her husband has not even been sure he wanted kids.He just recently started considering it.She has a goal to go off B/C in 2010.So only time will tell.And no as much as she has hurt me I do not wish infertility struggles on her but I do hope that she learns over time to be more gracious and caring towards her fellow human beings.


Lisa said...

It is indeed difficult to deal with others and how they have the inability to keep their thoughts to themselves. Unfortunately, I know it hurts you especially since you considered her a fried, but since you are going through treatments... I would just try your best to let it roll off your back. Hang in there!!

I love the bear by the way. How sweet!!

Kriss said...

How hurtful...I am so sorry. Sounds like she is trying to reassure herself and doesn't understand how hurtful her words are. -kriss

Meredith Jeannette said...

Hello, I saw you as a new follower to my blog and just wanted to drop in and say hello. I think it is such a blessing that you and you husband are adopting embryos. I've heard a little about it but not very familer with how it works. I can't wait to hear how it all progresses for you.-Meredith

Mimi said...

How rude is that??? Seriously. Little does she know that being on birth control for a long period of time may delay her getting pregnant too. People like that amaze me. I do not wish infertility on anyone but I think a few months of frustration is due to her for comments like that! Don't let her get you down. She may be jealous that you are able to try and she can't because her husband may not want children. Just brush it off and continue! Good luck sweetie!


Leslie Laine said...

Thanks for your comment on my blog - I'm so excited to read your story because I've been doing a little research on embryo adoption, and it's so great to see it in motion in your life! I'll be closely paying attention!!

Congrats on your sweet snow babies!!!

By the way, my advice would be to NIX the friend you mentioned in your blog. I had a friend like that too, and basically "divorced" her several months ago. It was hard at first, but now I think it was the best thing I could have done for myself. I just can't hang with that kind of negativity! This experience is hard enough!

My snowflake items

My snowflake items
DH got me these after we officially accepted our set of snowflake babies