Digging out of a huge mess....... FET Postponed... and guess what? We are homeschoolers

Sorry I have been so MIA lately but life seems to have just taken over. I made a huge decision this year which has added more to my plate and that is to home school my children. I had so much trouble with the school my oldest was in last year and there were so many cutbacks (phys ed,music, art etc) that it seemed that all the extras were gone.My oldest son is also special needs and his needs were not being met.I am not sure if I have ever disclosed that he was special needs before with all of you but I may choose to open that area of my life in the near future.I was actually already in the process of making the decision to home school while he was finishing his year last year. So when it came time for my middle son to start school this year and for my oldest to return we didn't. We began home school.So far it is going really good. My boys tell me all the time that they really like school.We created a school room with desks and everything for them.My oldest never told me without being prompted that he liked school last year.This year he says it unprompted all the time.I enjoy teaching them and it ensures that I spend quality time with them everyday.We even have field trips planned.Which the whole family will be attending,no more missing out for me, Bryan or their baby brother.One reason we also decided to home school was some of the behavior that was already being picked up from other children. It shocks me what other people let their kids say, watch, and do.Even in kindergarten! Trust me you would be shocked.What happened to childhood innocence? Now that my oldest is no longer around any of that he doesn't say or do anything that he had picked up. Thank goodness!

Another reason I have been missing is we had a storm a couple weeks ago that took down a huge tree and created a huge mess and expense for us.We have been cleaning up ourselves I have pictures on face book (just click on the highlighted "huge mess" and "cleaning up ourselves" if you want to see me weilding a chainsaw lol, please ignore how bummy I look I was dog sick and beat tired and dirty from working for hours, it will take you to the pics)Let me know if the link doesn't work.It damaged our little above ground pool,kids swing set, all our lounge chairs, two different areas of fencing, our new bricks around our fire pit and pool net.It hit absolutely everything it could hit.Except our house it barely missed it grazed it.It actually left a mark on the window where it swiped acrossed my oldest sons window. EEK! The power went out while the baby was crawling around the living room and it was already dark out and he couldn't see so he started screaming. We had just put the older boys to bed and my oldest sons nightlight had gone out because the power went out so he starting getting upset. We went in there to comfort him after locating a flashlight and then CRASH!!! We looked out and there it was, the huge tree and a horrible mess. Either way it has meant some draw backs for us in the next FET transfer department since all extra funds have been tied up in repairs, tools and clean up.This makes me sad but really there isn't much I can do about it. I already found a new OBGYN and and have a upcoming appointment with her to get established( I did not want to use my last one again after my horrible experience)I keep hoping that maybe we will be able to do something by November or December.But as of right now it is postponed indefinitely:-( I hope you are all well. ((hugs))

I won a Top Blog award along with a few other fellow bloggers

I received an email stating that I had won an award. I went to view it along with the other chosen bloggers.I also looked at the group that was awarding it and their criteria.It is so nice to be chosen and I feel blessed to have received this. Thank you so much guys you made my day!! :-)




Here is the email I received I copied most of it I left out most of the links and some of the personal phone number info etc but you get the jist.

Dear AngelWingsBaby,

Congratulations! Sarah here, and your blog, Our Miracle Baby, Created
Through the Selfless Blessing of a Donor Embryo!, was determined to be one
of the best blogs to exude overall brilliance. And so, it has received our
2010 Top 10 Embryo Adoption Blogs award presented by Medical Billing and
Coding!
You can see your name amongst our winners here at:
www.medicalbillingandcoding.org/top_embryo_adoption/#Our_Miracle_Baby_Creat
ed_Through_the_Selfless_Blessing_of_a_Donor_Embryo

Winners were chosen through a scoring system that included Internet
nominations, which came from your reader base!
You can let your readers know you won by embedding the badge code to one of
the different awards graphics found at:

If you choose to accept or decline the award, please let me know.
Please do not hesitate to call or email if you have any questions.

Again, Congratulations, and I hope to see your badge soon!

Cheers,
Sarah Johns
Bloggingawards.org

Where has the time gone, 9 months already!!

Mason 8 1/2 months just before our final swim for the season



8 months 1 week enjoying swinging outside with his brothers,it was his first time in his big boy swing. He loved it!




This is Nanner at 8 months playing with his favorite toy! We received this from Michele during our online baby shower.He loves it! Plays with it everyday :-)Thank you again Michele.



All of my boys on one of our many walks,we all love to go for walks and enjoy being outside.Nanner is 8 months here.





Of course long stroller rides are so exhausting lol


Nanner boy is 9 months now and I can hardly believe it, it seems like just yesterday he was born. He had his 9 month appointment yesterday and it went well.He has met all of the milestones for his age. I just want him to slow down a bit he is becoming a toddler before my very eyes.Since it has been a while since I did a catch up on baby boy I will do so in a bullet form.

-He is now 19 pounds 2 ounces , 28 1/2 inches long

-He crawls super fast now on all fours , no more slithering or military crawling and when he knows your coming to get him he crawls even quicker and laughs hoping you can't catch him :-)lol

-Began self feeding with small bits of food, has already been holding own bottle since about 3 months

-He can sit up all by himself(unsupported,get up and back down etc) and actually has been doing this since about 7 3/4 months

-He sits up on his knees a lot lately lol for some reason, looks very much like a big boy while doing it

-He eats like crazy! Haven't found anything he doesn't like or won't eat.

-He says ba ba (bottle),ma ma, and da (calls daddy da).Specifically when he wants those things. He babbles several other words too but so far these are the only ones that we are positive that he says when he wants the item he is talking about.

-He now has 3 and a half teeth they are all front teeth and he looks like a cute chipmunk. :-)

-He pulls himself up on everything! And has just begun a small amount furniture cruising and letting go for brief periods of time and standing before he drops to his bottom.

-He loves to be outdoors and loves the water!

So there you have my peanut in a nutshell :-) When I was at the doctors yesterday I saw a lady there with her new baby boy it sure made me think back to when Nanner was tiny and also to what may or may not lie ahead for our family.I actually have quite a bit to blog about but never seem to be able to find the time.I am guilty of checking and using face .book more frequently since it is quicker,I know shame on me.But if anyone else is on there feel free to look me up or email me for the link.I will get some 9 month pics of baby boy on here as soon as possible I definitely need to take some before he gets even bigger :-P.I am still here girls I still read and I try to comment as much as possible.I sure do miss all of you though :-(

Are we being heard?

I have been in several more conversations lately.They have been of various sources such as phone, in person and online and before all this I was spending most of my time with my direct family.Meaning my DH and children.Partially due to our hectic schedule that we are still trying to master and also well due to the fact that I just didn't have that many family or friends in my daily life.Lately though a few have resurfaced and have been calling, computer messaging and/or also coming around a bit.Now when you spend time with each other, relate and talk there is a flow of conversation that usually happens and what I have noticed is that there has been a shift in this world to not stop and really listen to each other.I mean really listen.I spent the first part of at least 3 conversations last week on the phone just listening and saying uh huh,and unable to get a word in edgewise for over 25 minutes. It was like a advanced session of double dutch jump rope that I had no chance of making it into.Which in some instances is ok and completely necessary like a break up or other crisis.(I mean, what are friends and family for?) But when it is just them going on about themselves and not really asking about you or truly engaging you in conversation,you have to ask yourself. Are we being heard??? I mean are they calling to hear themselves talk about themselves? Yes I know we are all guilty of that one sometimes.But maybe we shouldn't be so much. Maybe we need to re-relate to one another s-l-o-w down and really hear each other.I think with all the hectic schedules,gadgets and drama that this world has to offer we have forgotten to really be with each other when we are together. I think people are already thinking of what they are going to say next while the person they are supposed to being listening to is talking. While to an extent that is normal obviously conversation does evoke a response from the listener I have noticed more and more it isn't as though they are responding more like they can't wait to talk more about themselves.I have also noticed that we are all guilty of multi tasking.Not giving our full attention to someone when they are talking to us through any medium. Whether it be online, phone or in person. I know I have been guilty of this myself. You know the story, your messaging and then you leave them hanging to look at something else online or talk to someone else without telling them. Problem is you never know if "you" are all they are up to so they have to wait and wait and wait on you.I have also noticed that there those ,which I am sure that everyone has least experienced this once or quite possibly is an offender sorry :-P ,that just jump off messengers without a peep right in the middle of a conversation,no good bye, no gotta run etc. I think it is a bit impersonal to do that and just another way we are disconnecting from each other.Would you just hang up the phone on someone? Or turn your back and walk away during a conversation? Basically it is the same.I have also experienced the "over talker talkers" lately they seem to be numerous.They are the ones that even though you have started to say something they are in their own world so much that they A. Did not hear you or B.Do not care or C.Feel what they are about to say is much more interesting or important, and proceed to talk over you anyways making you repeat yourself wherever and whenever you can squeeze in what it was you were trying to say.Sometimes it can take up to 2-3 tries to get out what you were about to say or you just might give up depends on your resolve :-) So is this a sign of the times? Have good old fashioned conversations become college cram sessions? Even in "Our Bloggy world" some non listening takes place. I have seen people have a post about a situation that is very painful or something they are struggling with or even something not very serious at all but what remains the same is I have also seen comments that are so far off base that there was no way the commenter even completely read their post or paid attention if they did. For instance the poster may say "Help everyone I am so open to suggestions.I have tried A,B,and C and none have worked". Then I will see a comment that says have you tried B yet or maybe you should try A it always worked for me.What I am saying is while the commenter probably had very good intentions it has just become crystal clear to the poster that they were indeed not heard.Which in our bloggy world there can be a lot of pain,heartache and struggles so not being heard by just one more person can be hurtful since so many feel like the fertile world is not listening. So after going through all of this for a few weeks and I have been trying harder to be a better listener.And DH and I have been working on listening to each other more intently.I have enjoyed our conversations so much lately.We have made it a point to look at each other,making eye contact and participate in active listening.The benefits of this have been increased flirting and feeling more connected ;-) Go figure.So ask yourself are you listening??? :-)

Long overdue review on mederma stretch mark cream

On a previous post a few months ago I announced that I was going to start using the mederma for stretch marks cream and that I was going to share my results with all of you.I started it on 3/16/10.I did use it faithfully (missing an application a day once in a while, but rarely)for about 6 weeks straight 2 times each day like it says.And I have to honestly say that I have seen results.The marks are way less purple/dark than they were.They were about 60% better in color if I had to put a percentage on it.They have shrunk in size too. I am sure some of this can be attributed to my weight loss.But honestly I don't think all of it since I was using the cream quite a while ago and that is when I was starting to see results.I was losing weight then too but had not lost very much at all at that point.My end point for the cream would have been approximately April 19th.The cream does say you can continue use it for even better results which I have not done but I have considered.I do have before pictures that I took on March 16 so I know exactly what my marks used to look like. I looked at them after the 6 weeks were up and so did hubby we both noticed a large difference at that point.Of course now my marks are even better due to time and weight loss (they are almost the same color as the surrounding skin now and have shrunk even more) but there was a large difference even then.I don't think I am brave enough to post before and after pics on here but trust me DH and I both saw the results.

So my honest opinion of this product is that yes it is a bit pricey but there seems to be decent discount coupons available (at least $4.00) for it since it is new (which I used one back In march when I bought mine)

The availability used to be more difficult but I have now seen it more places.Walgreens, target, CVS, etc.

The smell, well I guess that is a personal opinion thing, and well I didn't like it at all. I would much rather have a yummy smell like a coconut or fruity fun smell.This smells like bad public restroom air freshner. Hard to describe has a "sharp" scent.I disliked it so much and it seemed to dry my hands out that I put plastic baggies over my hands before I applied it,the smell stays on hands even after washing them. (cheaper than gloves and I already had them in the house)

Results....I did indeed see results as I stated above.Would I buy again yes,am I hoping they change the scent heck yes! I am actually going to contact them to make a comment about it.

So in closing I will say that if you are looking for something that may give you results this is it. You might like the smell, I didn't. You can always were gloves or baggies to apply it (dried my hands out,plus the smell) Here is a link to a $4.00 coupon for you if you like. $4.00 coupon :-) There was also one inside the package I bought for my next purchase.

Fund raising to bring home our embie babies

We are getting into crunch time for us and we are still falling short of our needed funds to bring our embie babies home. We had three goals in order to do so. They are and were the following:

1.DH needed to be hired in at his temp job (Done!)

2.I wanted to at least get to my prepregnancy weight before trying again but also wanted to get to my wedding weight preferably. Almost done. Only 1 pound to pregnancy weight and 20 until wedding weight, I know I can get the rest off , I have been walking my butt off and given up ALL, I mean all junk food and bad snacking period :-P (just weighed myself this morning haven't updated my tickers yet

3.The funds have to be raised/saved to bring our precious embies home
(our goal has not been met yet) :-(

What is partially frustrating is that we are spending money to keep them there that we could be saving to bring them home (yeah I know it is impossible to do anything about, storage fees are inevitable and expensive)

We are going to have a yard sale this weekend in hopes of raising some funds towards bringing them home.If anyone has any other fund raising ideas they are more than welcome.Please remember though we are in a relatively small area so things don't always work the same here as they do in bigger areas.

I have also finally added a donate button to my blog.I noticed quite a few fellow bloggers also have them, I thought I would at least have it on there just in case someone felt drawn to help bring our embie babies home.

We were really hoping for a fall or early winter transfer. But I am not sure it is gonna happen at this rate. I have found in my research that my chances of experiencing PPD decrease dramatically if I do not give birth in the winter months, around holidays or have a bad birth experience ( we will be trying to do everything in our power to change that this time too).So if I conceive in the fall/ winter then I will not be giving birth during this time which is optimal. Of course there is the chance that this won't even work, or they won't make the thaw,or...don't even get me started. I still have the same doubts and fears as the first time. But for now my biggest fear and concern is how are we gonna get our babies home.....

Our trip and some updates with lots of pics

I love this boy so much!



Sweet baby boy



Relaxing on the porch before dinner, we had hamburgers on the grill,yummy!



View of their very quiet non busy country road ahhh







Nanner and his buddy



After breakfast one morning pardon me looking a little shall we say just got up and not dressed yet lol



Nanner with his new friends, very hard to get three babies to look at a camera at the same time



Pictures of their cute little town




All of us together, our gracious hosts, they also have two other lovely daughters not seen in this photo 9 yrs and 16 yrs.My older boys were with their dad while we were gone as he was on shut down for work for a bit and wanted to spend time with them while he could.



Yup I am a bad blogger It has been forever since my last post. So I know I have so much to catch up on that I am way overwhelmed.First of all we had a wonderful trip to go meet a friend/fellow blogger in real life.They were so kind and generous and opened their home to us.They have a beautiful home and had a room all set up just for us.We had a really good time relaxing,chatting and spending time with them. We even played a Wii for the very first time in our lives,I know "gasp" hard to believe we are so out of the loop but we are. We went on a couple of walks with our babies (nanner loved playing with his new friends) and they showed us around their town. We didn't have much time to spend as most of our time was spent on the road (only 2 1/2 days)but that's ok as what was really important to me was I finally got a chance to meet my friend and her family in person :-). She has a lovely family and they were all very welcoming to us.I am not choosing to be overly identifying of her and her family as she is a bit more private than I am. So I am going to respect that so I will include a few pics but no names or links.I guess I will try to catch up on as much as possible using bullet form.

-Nanner is now 7 months old holy moly! 17 pounds 4 ounces 26 1/2 inches tall

-He is now crawling like crazy and eating us out of house and home lol we are starting him on a sippy cup, that is going umm so so, he also appears to be teething and seems to be in pain and more fussy from it this week,actually quite a bit more

-I have been mostly using facebook to post pics and updates lately, partially due to ease(you can upload a ton more pics at once so that is where I upload most of mine) so if you wanna friend me on there please just send your facebook name in an email(it's on my blog) and who you are blogwise and I will send you an friend invite

-Only 24 pounds to go until my goal weight and 5 until my prepregnancy weight (I am down more than 2 sizes in clothing)

-Hubby,the boys and I have been walking for at least an hour and half (usually more) about 3-4 times a week

-I haven't been on here much because of all the walking, swimming, yard work and time that we are trying to spend outdoors while the weather is good I promise I will be around more once it's gets colder ( I am in Michigan ya know :-) )

-I have been reading blogs still and trying to comment when time permits, but I am reading still

Well I guess that is about all I have time for right now I sure do miss hearing from you girls. I hope everyone is doing well.((hugs))

Destination chosen..

North Carolina here we come!!! We are going to meet a fellow blogger.Actually her and I have been talking on the phone for months.We talk 2-3 times a week for hours.It's crazy but wonderful how much we are a like.I so wished she lived closer because we have so much in common.We will finally meet in person and so will our families this weekend. I am so excited! :-) DH made the final call on where we were going just yesterday. Thank you to all of you who extended an invitation to us to join you and your families.It was so nice to get your emails and comments with the invites.As you all know we don't have much family so it is so nice to be included!!
Michigan to North Carolina no small trip 13 hours and 45 minutes to be exact! (one way)I sure hope Nanner is up for the task :-)

Where to go?

We just found out that DH has a 4 day weekend coming up because his work has a floating holiday and they decided to use it for the 4th. We have decided to take advantage and go somewhere but where? So here I sit on the internet searching the different travel sites looking for destinations that are drivable and planable on such a short notice and not a big budget.We may try to find somewhere in our state that we have never been before or not in a very long time or visit a nearby state not sure yet.I am so excited!! I love road trips no matter where they are to. :-) P.S Thank you for all of your kind and loving comments on my last post they truly touched my heart...

Dear Daddy in heaven

Dear Daddy,
The last Father's Day I spent with you was one month before I lost you.I was just 16, I am now 33.I have missed you each Father's Day since and not a single day goes by that I don't wish you were here instead of in heaven. Daddy you have never met my children but I know that if you could that you would love them and they would love you too! It makes me sad to say that you have now been gone from my life longer than you were in it.So since I can't be with you to tell you how I feel and to celebrate like many others I will write you this letter and share it. I will share it for others to see who also have lost their dads and cannot spend fathers day with their fathers because you are always in our hearts. I love you daddy and miss you so very much! -your daughter Megan (aka potsie and pumpkin)

A post from the brighter side of things and happy 6 months Nanner boy

I just want to thank all of you for your kind comments and support.Sometimes a girl just needs to vent.I sure wish that I lived closer to all of you wonderful girls.It also helped to know that there were others in a similar situation out there, not that I am happy that my fellow bloggers are lonely too but it's comforting to know that we do have that in common.So on a happier front around here as I promised that was coming well first and foremost I have lost 30 pounds since February 23rd(that's when I started dieting) which means I lost 30 pounds in just about 16 1/2 weeks and 47 pounds since I gave birth in December. I am officially 9 pounds away from my prepregnancy weight.Not that it was where I wanted to be but it is my first goal. By next goal is my wedding weight/prefertility med weight which is 28 pounds away. So as you can see I am over half way to my ultimate goal.I have until September to reach this goal and I hope I can.I was thinking august before but now September seems more reasonable.Dh was on 1st shift originally and then got put on 2nd for several weeks and now is back on 1st which allows us to all be out and active as a family so that is why the weight came off so much more quickly before and it seems to be picking up again. :-) Also I want to say Happy 6 months to my Nanner Baby!! I cannot believe he is 6 months already!!!Another good thing that happened recently is that my RE's office called the other day. It was our donor embryo coordinator and she wanted to know if I would be willing to call a patient of theirs and talk to her about the donor embryo process since I had been through it myself and the patient was really looking for someone who had experienced it. It felt so good to know that out of all of their patients (they have several success stories) she picked me.She said so many nice things to me about why she chose me and how she thought I could help it felt good to be trusted with one of their patients. She said she knew I was the just the right person to call as soon as the woman expressed an interest in speaking with someone and feeling like she was the only one going through this process. I had a very nice conversation with her I will call her "S" for her privacy and she further told me how many nice things the donor coordinator told her about me.Which I won't lie felt really good after a bad week :-) "S" had many of the same fears, questions and excitement that I had starting this process it was so nice to be able to be there for her.She is currently on our RE's list and is awaiting embies which the time frame can range dramatically for but I am so excited for her. I just know that she will have her match soon.I look forward to hearing from her and about her process as we we plan to keep in touch by phone.She lives about 3 1/2 hours from me.So there you have some better news from the home front. We are planning a walk as a family tonight and now we can eat dinner as a family again Yea!First shift is nicer but still as always a change in schedule takes some time for us to adjust to since DH has to be to work at 4am most days EEK! And 6am on normal days.Still eek!Well girls I should go for now but again thank you all so much for all the kind words and support. ((hugs)) P.s I was gonna post pics but blogger won't let me :-(

Loneliness makes you talk to strangers (WARNING I am sad and angry and may offend sorry in advance)

I would not call me a particularly shy person but I am not a overly outgoing person. I guess it just depends on the situation.But my recent loneliness has driven me to new levels that I think even I am surprised at.Let me start my saying that DH and I have really no one else besides each other and the boys. No close family ( do I really need to explain his family again) and mine is very very small meaning deceased and spread out.All I really have left is a mother, sister and brother( my brother is not speaking to my mother and the rest of us by default).My father died when I was 15. My sister lives about 3 hours away and my brother again not speaking to anyone lives over an hour away.So here we are basically alone.I do have friends but they are all caught up in their own lives and families.And what DH and I have noticed is that for some reason me now having Nanner seems to have pushed a few more away. Not that I would trade him for them anyways but it is odd to me how people can decide to pull away just because you add a member to your family.See the strange thing here is that it's not like we were child free before Nanner so honestly what's one more? Really? I have to say when I noticed the largest pull away is right after I had him and I dare utter a few dreaded words and they were the following "I think I have the baby blues." Yes I was down.Yes I was reaching out.And they scattered like I was catchy.Actually if I had something like a stubbed toe I would have had a better shot at some compassion.Which I do find ironic since I have been there for ALL of them for all of their problems.I have gotten calls and all times of the day and night for everything from broken hearts (this one has happened the most), depression, job loss, marriage issues, infidelity,deaths/loss, health scares, good ole fashioned DRAMA,financial woes,family troubles and the list goes on. I have listened,cared, prayed and extended myself for them each and every time. Am I angry? Has it caught up to me? Yes! And Yes! I have now decided that the doctor is no longer in. No more advice no more free sessions. I am tired of being used tired of always giving and giving in very one sided relationships that I seem to be in.It has gotten to the point that no one calls UNLESS they want something.Not to spend time with me.Not to see me or my family.Not to chat to catch up and share small talk.Here is an example of a few calls from different friends lately if it weren't for these there would be none. Call #1 Did your mom open her pool yet? Call #2 We want to sell our extra TV you want to buy it? Call #3 My husband is still not being a good husband or father, I don't know what to do? (for the record this has been ongoing for 3 years he will never change and she will never listen,I give up)Do I seem bitter I guess I do.I am so tired of fake friends.People who say they are there for you and they are really not.The truth is they are there for themselves.They are there for what THEY can get out of the relationship and I have had enough. So when I am called for a issue someone is having I will have to politely excuse myself from the phone as I am no longer taken hours upon hours from my DH and boys to be there for people who are not there for me. Friendships are two sided and you have to give in order to get. I have taken way too much time from my immediate family to help others and I am done. My heart still stings and hurts from being left for months to cry alone daily while I was suffering from PPD.Did anyone come see me,chat with me on the phone or say lets grab a bite to eat, go for a walk, see a movie, go to the mall, offer to help with the baby or anything that would have been better than me just sitting here ruminating on my sadness. That's a big fat NADA!! Did I do those things for them when they had tough times? I think you know the answer.So because of my desire to have friends but lets say real ones I have decided to start shopping for new ones. (and no I am not divorcing my old ones) This is no small feat when you are 33 years old.Everyone has their best friends and their groups of friend they hang out in and it is so very hard to make new ones. I have no idea where to begin.Most would say our church but our church has next to no families with young children actually it has next to no people in general.It has been struggling to grow for quite a while now.So I will confess we have not been going as it no longer calls to us.We are overwhelmed at the prospect of looking for a new church but know that it has to be done.So yes I know that I need to start there for my quest for new friends I have no preference of if they are mommies or not.But I think childless people would not be drawn to us realistically.DH and I really would like a family similar in moral and values to share outings, picnic, zoo trips, double dates etc with.But feel like it is just a dream.Anyways so here comes the place where the title of my post makes sense. DH, Nanner and I were at Panera Bread yesterday and two ladies were in line together one clearly pregnant and also had a toddler boy who was about 18 months if I had to guess and the other one had a infant boy who was 9 months (this I know because she told me) The one with the 9 month old starting talking to me about Nanner asking how old,his name (which she loved!)she talked about how cute he was and asked what he was doing at this stage etc and making friendly small talk.It was nice.I mean really nice to talk to another woman and she didn't want anything from me just wanted to be friendly and talk about our babies and when she might consider having her next one etc.I was envious of their relationship I wished I had a girlfriend to go to lunch or dinner with and share chit chat with and laugh with.So after I had gotten up for something I stopped by their table I stopped and said "This is gonna sound weird but do guys have any ideas for meeting other mommies?" She was like"Oh hunny it's not weird at all and I really wish I could help but we're from Phoenix" She then went on to suggest church etc.She said she has heard that to be a common complaint and she always feels so bad for fellow mommies.She was very sweet.But yes it would be my luck that they would be from out of state.After Panera we headed to Kohls and while there I saw two women I went to high school from a distance ( no one I was close to in school) they were shopping away having their girl time.I stopped in my tracks for a moment and DH was like what's wrong and I told him who they were and they were close through all these years and I wish I had a girlfriend like that.(don't get me wrong I love my husband but I really need me some girl time living with all these boys)And yes I got teary.He did his best to comfort me and wiped them away and I tried to push it out of my mind.And before anyone mentions what about my mom I must say that she is not into hanging out in a girl way at all. She is older (67), set in her ways and not much into the whole grandma scene.She does love her grandchildren but she does not babysit,play with,help out with,visit with them.It may surprise a few of you to find out that she did not come to the hospital while I was in labor.Or come see me and help out with the baby while I was recovering at home after I gave birth or while I was struggling with PPD.She did pop into the hospital for about 15-20 minutes the day after we had him but that was it.My sister never showed up at all.Did I go see her after she gave birth, again you know the answer.My mom does her senior travelers trips, goes out to eat often along with a few other things that she does with only certain people.So now that I have that all explained maybe you all can see where I am coming from.It's a little place I like to call lonely avenue. I have to say ahead time that I have shared a lot in this post and please be polite that if you do not agree or feel like you can say anything nice please do not comment as I am depressed enough already.I have been feeling this way for awhile but have not been sharing with any of you but finally I felt like it might help me to do so.There have been some good things happening around here too but I will catch up on those next post I had to get this out first.

The boy in him is coming out already :-)

Here is nanner blowing zerberts on my arm while I was at my laptop the other day.He totally caught me off guard since it was the very first time he has ever done it.At only 5 months he has already joined the ranks with the other boys in the household and is loving making the sounds boys love to make.I am the only girl in the whole house :-)Sorry for the shaky video but I was trying catch him in the act without him knowing since every time he would see the camera he would stop.Yes that is me in the background laughing my hinny off at him but I couldn't help it, it was just too cute. I know in a couple of years it won't be but for now it was adorable!

Happy 2 year wedding anniversary to the man I love

Today is our 2 year wedding anniversary.Although we already celebrated it this weekend since it fell on a work day for DH.We decided that we would go to dinner at one of our favorite places Romanos Macaroni Grill which is an hour from where we live.They have awesome Italian food.It was my older two boys weekend with their daddy and we just ended up taking Nanner with us, since we didn't have a sitter.Which was just fine by us and felt right since last year at this time we were on bed rest after our bleeding scare and threatened miscarriage thinking we were gonna lose him. So having him there with us made it more of a celebration.We had a wonderful time.We went during the off time so it wouldn't be busy which was great! The two guy waiters were all talking to Nanner and asking about him, it was cute!.We even got our waiter to take our picture! Nanner really seemed to enjoy the sights and sounds! After we had dinner we stayed in Grand Rapids for a while to look for a couple of christian music cd's that DH wanted to get me, that I had been wanting for a while.After some light shopping and window shopping we headed towards home but decided to stop off in Grand haven and take a late walk instead.We walked and talked and reminisced. Grand Haven has always been special since it is where we used to walk a lot when we were first dating and it is also where 90% of our outdoor wedding pics were taken that you see on my blog page.The beach/pier ones in particular.All in all it was a wonderful night.It was just the way we would have done it low key.


This is one of our favorite places to eat!





Nanner joining us at the table.



The pic that Max our waiter took of all of us.(yes I seem to have a way of always asking people in public to take pics lol,if you remember the Panera bread pic from when I met with my blogger girls)



This is our little gnome all bundled up on our walk because we had a very,very cool Michigan night dare I say high 50's,plus we were next to the lake, just before a crazy hot 92 degree day the next day.Ahh only in Michigan!! (p.s. battynurse if you recognize the blanket it's cause it's the one you sent us and made, he loves it!Thank you again!, the printed side is down so it may be hard to tell, I didn't use your real name since I didn't know if you share it online or not)






Oh how do I love this man!

Our next baby

While I was still pregnant DH and I had already decided that we wanted our children to be close together and that we would not wait too long between transfers so our next transfer would be sooner rather than later after nanner was born.We had decided a few months ago that we wanted to aim for an early fall transfer but that is tenative of course.So that is our plan. For those of you who I haven't shared this with on the phone already, now you know why I have been in such a hurry to lose weight.I want the old weight off before new weight comes on for a more comfortable, healthy pregnancy. I don't want to keep adding new weight and become so unhealthy that I cannot enjoy my children. So far the incentive of the next transfer is working as I have lost 26 pounds and am only 13 pounds from my prepregnancy weight.My goal weight however is my pre fertility med weight which is 32 pounds away. I do believe I can achieve it as I have lost 26 pounds in only about 2 1/2 months.I am almost half way there as of today!When we discussed the next transfer I decided that 2 goals needed to be met if we were to proceed and they were me getting my weight down ( my cholesterol was elevated for the first time in my entire life too) and also we wanted to wait and see if the temp job that DH has been working would hire him in(they have been very,very selective on who they have retained over the last few months).I am proud and excited to say that DH just called to to say that they gave him his hire in application/papers! While this is not his dream job or even close to what he was making before his layoff it is still a job with benefits and we are thankful to God above for it.It seems as though God is making everything come together for us once again.We are working on coming up with the money for the transfer and meds.I guess we could hope that the insurance that we get with this new job has some infertility coverage (doubtful since most don't cover infertility).We are planning on a couple yard sales with all the money being put into our "baby fund" we also save all our returnable soda can money and put that in there too.And of course we have been putting small amounts of money in there from DH's check as we can.I am hoping that God will help us achieve the goal we need to pay for the meds and the transfer as it seems as thought it is all starting to come together for the other two goals.As excited as I am about this next transfer I am also scared. I am scared it won't work, I am scared that we won't come up with the funds we need for the transfer and meds, I am scared that if it does work I may end up with complication like last time or worse.I guess these are all normal fears and I need to think positive that God will see me through like he did before.