Friday, September 10, 2010

Are we being heard?

I have been in several more conversations lately.They have been of various sources such as phone, in person and online and before all this I was spending most of my time with my direct family.Meaning my DH and children.Partially due to our hectic schedule that we are still trying to master and also well due to the fact that I just didn't have that many family or friends in my daily life.Lately though a few have resurfaced and have been calling, computer messaging and/or also coming around a bit.Now when you spend time with each other, relate and talk there is a flow of conversation that usually happens and what I have noticed is that there has been a shift in this world to not stop and really listen to each other.I mean really listen.I spent the first part of at least 3 conversations last week on the phone just listening and saying uh huh,and unable to get a word in edgewise for over 25 minutes. It was like a advanced session of double dutch jump rope that I had no chance of making it into.Which in some instances is ok and completely necessary like a break up or other crisis.(I mean, what are friends and family for?) But when it is just them going on about themselves and not really asking about you or truly engaging you in conversation,you have to ask yourself. Are we being heard??? I mean are they calling to hear themselves talk about themselves? Yes I know we are all guilty of that one sometimes.But maybe we shouldn't be so much. Maybe we need to re-relate to one another s-l-o-w down and really hear each other.I think with all the hectic schedules,gadgets and drama that this world has to offer we have forgotten to really be with each other when we are together. I think people are already thinking of what they are going to say next while the person they are supposed to being listening to is talking. While to an extent that is normal obviously conversation does evoke a response from the listener I have noticed more and more it isn't as though they are responding more like they can't wait to talk more about themselves.I have also noticed that we are all guilty of multi tasking.Not giving our full attention to someone when they are talking to us through any medium. Whether it be online, phone or in person. I know I have been guilty of this myself. You know the story, your messaging and then you leave them hanging to look at something else online or talk to someone else without telling them. Problem is you never know if "you" are all they are up to so they have to wait and wait and wait on you.I have also noticed that there those ,which I am sure that everyone has least experienced this once or quite possibly is an offender sorry :-P ,that just jump off messengers without a peep right in the middle of a conversation,no good bye, no gotta run etc. I think it is a bit impersonal to do that and just another way we are disconnecting from each other.Would you just hang up the phone on someone? Or turn your back and walk away during a conversation? Basically it is the same.I have also experienced the "over talker talkers" lately they seem to be numerous.They are the ones that even though you have started to say something they are in their own world so much that they A. Did not hear you or B.Do not care or C.Feel what they are about to say is much more interesting or important, and proceed to talk over you anyways making you repeat yourself wherever and whenever you can squeeze in what it was you were trying to say.Sometimes it can take up to 2-3 tries to get out what you were about to say or you just might give up depends on your resolve :-) So is this a sign of the times? Have good old fashioned conversations become college cram sessions? Even in "Our Bloggy world" some non listening takes place. I have seen people have a post about a situation that is very painful or something they are struggling with or even something not very serious at all but what remains the same is I have also seen comments that are so far off base that there was no way the commenter even completely read their post or paid attention if they did. For instance the poster may say "Help everyone I am so open to suggestions.I have tried A,B,and C and none have worked". Then I will see a comment that says have you tried B yet or maybe you should try A it always worked for me.What I am saying is while the commenter probably had very good intentions it has just become crystal clear to the poster that they were indeed not heard.Which in our bloggy world there can be a lot of pain,heartache and struggles so not being heard by just one more person can be hurtful since so many feel like the fertile world is not listening. So after going through all of this for a few weeks and I have been trying harder to be a better listener.And DH and I have been working on listening to each other more intently.I have enjoyed our conversations so much lately.We have made it a point to look at each other,making eye contact and participate in active listening.The benefits of this have been increased flirting and feeling more connected ;-) Go figure.So ask yourself are you listening??? :-)


Marilyn said...

I hear ya!! My eyes are opened now and I totally agree with you!

I think part of it may be a lot of us are lonely and don't have anyone to listen to us, when we finally get to talk to someone we just explode and selfish human nature sets in. I know I am guilty of this from time to time but hopefully I have enough non selfish moments to make up for those times. By the way anything new with you guys? :-P

Thank you for the great post!
Love ya!!

Em said...

Wow! That is exactly how I have felt for years! Of course, I am guilty too on occasion, but I can totally relate being the normally quiet one in the conversations. Thanks for the reminder on my end of the responsibility... =)

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