Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Finally happy to say I feel a lot like me and "My three sons"

Okay maybe I am bit young to remember the 1960's sitcom "My three sons" but I was old enough to grow up with it on nick at nite as a child.Moving on.... :-)

I am glad to report that the PPD has passed which I can't help but wonder if it wasn't sticking around longer before due to the breastfeeding. I have to say that since I quite breastfeeding and quite beating myself up about not breastfeeding or not making enough milk or not being happy enough or not......it goes on and on. I feel sooooooo much better it is as if two sumo wrestlers have been lifted off my shoulders. :-P I am enjoying baby boy tremendously I love his coos and smiles.I have even learned to take his colic/high needs in stride but even mothers without PPD struggle with babies with colic/high needs so I don't feel bad.I have even began to find the humor in situations like when I finally had to put him down today(which he absolutely hates)to get some housework done, I was vacuuming , he was screaming as usual and every time I would walk in front of him he would completely stop like he wasn't even crying at all I could do was chuckle.He has started finally sleeping a little longer stretches at night so that helps a bit.I have to say that I never knew that I would have to fail at something in order to feel better it seems so opposite of what you would think. But the breastfeeding just wasn't working out and I hate failing so it was killing me to fail at it. In retrospect with a much clearer head there were several things working against me: Horrible labor and birth experience, bad breastfeeding experience, extreme weight gain, migraines, lack of outside friends or family etc support, complications during pregnancy, history of IF, money struggles,sleep deprivation,complications and long healing time of tear and stitches,high needs colicky baby and unsympathetic OB. All of these things made for a very very depressed stressed tired me who could not even enjoy her new baby boy to the extent that she could have. Now I can and it is wonderful.I needed help way before it was offered to me and in the end I never took any medication for depression.(Not that I am against medication, I by all means am not at all, the timing just was not right for me since it was not offered until things were already better by 60% or more, at that point it's like what's the point? And they were continuing to get better with each passing week) My OB did not offer it until about 1 and a 1/2 weeks before I told you girls about the PPD which by then the worst was passing. I had hid the worst of it from my OB partially because she seemed unsympathetic when I told her about my bad birth experience so I closed down emotionally to her.(remember she was not there the night I gave birth)In the end giving up breast feeding and pumping,going back on my migraine preventative medicine and going for walks for exercise with my husband and the boys around our local mall is what helped me.And now my little monkey is also letting me get 4-5 hours in a row of sleep instead of getting up every 2 hours like he was that was very hard to do by myself plus get everyone else up, make sure hubby is up for temp job at 3 am, son for school and toddler and baby boy.It was maddening I am adjusting since I am able to have more sleep and am not up every 2 hours and also have more time since I am not breastfeeding and pumping.And on top of it all in the last 2 weeks without much more than watching what I eat a bit more and a few walks I have lost 8 pounds and I am hoping to lose more which will help me to continue to feel more like me. I have several more pounds to go to get to my pre pregnancy weight but I will continue to work at it.I have few more than those to get to my pre fertility med weight as those alone put 15-20 pounds on me ugh! As the weather gets better we plan to walk as a family outdoors several nights a week. My weight got out of control while I was pregnant because no one knew I had gained as much as I did because my OB's office apparently had a defective scale. I thought it was strange that I was not gaining very much I felt huge but shrugged it off since all pregnant women feel huge and was happy that my SCH had healed and that my baby was doing well. Unfortunately I thought it also meant that it was okay to give into cravings since I wasn't gaining weight. I figured if I wasn't gaining weight what was it gonna hurt? Right? Wrong!! Apparently their scale was defective and they did not know it so all of my readings were way off on the low side. Try 20+ pounds off yikes!! I didn't find this out until after I gave birth and came back in for a check up and they had a new scale they said theirs apparently had been broken for a long time (at least my entire pregnancy) and when they got their new one they saw all their patients weights jump up. Try being 2 weeks postpartum and weighing the same as you did when you were full term pregnant ,I cried when I got home,logically I knew why but it was hard to see the number be higher.Especially since I had no idea I weighed that much to begin with.So between the bed rest,no exercise allowed my entire pregnancy due to the SCH,the extra months of PIO and estrogen from before pregnancy throughout my 2nd trimester due to the SCH, and me having no clue because of a broken scale, my weight was doomed to be high and that it was.On a different note we got our taxes done not as big of a refund as it would have been if DH had worked the whole year but we are just glad that we didn't owe.I also made sure to put Mason in his tax deduction onesie just for our tax lady and I flashed her with it when she least expected it ,she laughed so hard.She has been doing my taxes for about eight years now so she is more like a friend then just my tax lady, she was sooo excited when Mason was born before the new year LOL. And before I go I thought I would share my inspiration with you all I have yet to share pics of my two older sons(Gavin 6 years soon to be 7 next week and Ayden 4 years old ) but I will today. I have been conflicted about doing this in the past but I have decided to share I may take it down later but for now I will post it. I am including one that has all three of my beautiful boys Gavin,Ayden and Mason on one of our mall outings, actually the first one as a family to go for a walk and we also let the older boys play at the play place. It was a good day and mommy found herself smiling ear to ear!I think that's it for now girls I have lots of pics to share of our day at the mall and Mason rockin his tax tee lol.I want to thank you all for your support on my last post about the postpartum depression your kind supportive words were greatly appreciated and meant a lot to me.


Angela said...

Very happy to hear things are looking "up"! You sounds so good and it's great to see pics of your sweet boys. You are incredibly blessed! Keep up blogging!

Mel B. said...

I love the shirt mine was a week late to qualify, silly baby. all of your boys are to cute! Glad that things are getting better for you I am so sorry you had such a bad experience.

Peppermint Patty said...

What precious, precious little boys. ALL OF THEM!

Thank you for posting their pictures, so now I can put a "name with a face." :)

Hang in there! You've been through a lot!

Michele said...

Your boys are so adorable!

Mama Tina said...

Your "Three Sons" are so precious. Thanks for sharing. Happy to hear you are feeling better. Continue to take care of yourself.


-Mama Tina (Tiffany's MIL) from "Miracles Come in Pairs"

amanda said...

glad you're feeling better!! praying you continue to do so!!

the pictures are so great, love them.

annnnd did you get my email about the baby carriers? just checking to make sure you got it!

have a super great day!

twondra said...

Thank you so much for emailing me!I don't know how I missed this!

I'm soooo glad you're feeling better!

The boys are sooooo cute!!! I'm so glad you shared them with us.

Anna said...

Hi there! Thanks for the blog comment, and guess what? I have already been following! I found you a few days after you delivered, I believe. I do have a few questions for you. Can you email me at annaboo728@aol.com?

Dora said...

Been meaning to comment. HE'S BEAUTIFUL! Absolutely scrumptious!

Sorry you had such a terrible birth/ppd experience. Glad you're doing better.

My snowflake items

My snowflake items
DH got me these after we officially accepted our set of snowflake babies