Thursday, September 3, 2009

Good news and hurtful news

The good news is I am 24 weeks 1 day pregnant which means my sweet little boy is now viable!! Praise GOD! But also on a different more hurtful note I plan to do something I do not normally do and that is vent about family.I know I have always watched my blogging for fear that someone I know IRL will find and read my blog but I just feel the need to share this with you girls.I will try to keep a long story short but here goes.Ever since I have been seeing DH before he was my DH his mom has not liked me.For no reason at all.You see she decided this before she even met me.All she knew about me is that I was older than him and was divorced with small children.Well that was all she needed to know and she made her mind up which has been impossible to change for 2 years.There are so many hurtful ways that she lashes out at me that I would never be able to list them but they are numerous and are always done in a passive aggressive manner.I will give you just a few of the several examples.When DH and I were still just boyfriend girlfriend (exclusive and serious) she tried to fix him up with someone else while his dad gave him the "play the field speech".To say that was hurtful is an understatement.Before I continue I must state that they proclaim to be "christians, avid, active christians" I am not saying they aren't but I do know that their actions do not reflect that to me.She has sent her brother (his uncle) in the past to have a talk with and try to talk him out of being with me.She invited bryan to the holidays x-mas and thanksgiving but excluded me and my boys the year we were engaged.She refused to let his younger siblings participate in our wedding they are several years younger than DH ,11 and 13.I told her that I hand decorated 2 champagne flutes for her and her husband at our wedding reception and that they were theirs to keep after the reception. Not only did they not use the flutes but they left them for trash on the table after they left.In the receiving line after the ceremony she stuck her hand out to shake mine instead of hugging me.I of course made her hug me.At x-mas this past year after we were married she gave everyone elaborate gifts but gave me a used book that she had owned herself for quite awhile.Dh looked at it and was like she has had this for a while I have seen it in her room etc. Not to mention it had water rings and warped pages from her drinking while reading.I am not saying that x-mas is about gifts but it certainly is not about trying to show someone that don't like them by obviously giving them a very used present that was nothing like she gave anyone else.Just to give you and idea of what she bought others,all the guys got Dewalt angle grinders (pricey)and the woman got beautiful tops with sweaters and jewelry sets from a macy like department store The store is younkers but I didn't think you all would know what that was.So as all my friends and family said it was another way of her hurting me and letting me know just how little she likes me.I have tried to talk to her which got me no where she not only has never apologized but has acted like she has done nothing wrong.I broke down crying to her last December telling her how much she has hurt me and that I want her to like me but all she said stone cold faced back to me was "I don't know you". She has never tried to get to know me either. I asked her to go shopping and scrapbook but she never took me up on it. The list is so long of things she has done to hurt me that I could not possibly blog about them all as it would take days.So now I will tell you about the latest hurtful thing she has done.First of all I have to say that DH and her have not been speaking since January due to more of her stunts.Well she has convinced everyone on his side to boycott my shower on Saturday even though DH did invite her too, which I made him as I thought it would help mend fences.But every time I try to do something nice it backfires on me.DH has had no issues with any other relatives so this was an extremely hurtful blow to us.So we have this large building for the only shower I will ever have and now it seems silly to have it as there are only 7 people attending on my side.(my family is very small)So I know this may seem wrong but I am crushed that my only shower I will ever get will be so tiny and hurtful.I have waited 10 years to have my "own" shower.So now she has struck yet again.Dh has decided that enough is enough and said that if they do not come they are out of his life for good.We found out by asking his grandma and she told us no one is coming and that his mom was why.They felt they had to side with her as she is family.He said what about this part of your family and she was silent.Of course they stated that they still wanted to be a part of the baby's life to which he answered "if you did you would be going to the shower". He also said "if you guys have decided that you don't want to participate in the shower than do not expect any more calls related to our baby and family again. (it is important to note that they do not know how this baby was conceived,so that has nothing to do with it and shouldn't matter anyways)What is hurtful about this is these are people that I got along with, the more distant relatives, or least they were nice to my face.But his mom is usually nice to my face too so I guess that is no indicator.All I know is I liked many of them and enjoyed being around them on the few family functions that I was able to.(we have only been married a year)I know that is will sound petty but financially it will hurt us too as we were anticipating that several of our basic baby needs would be met by the shower.At least that is what everyone kept telling us.Before I close this post I must say that we were asked when were having a shower and prompted to include everyone (including his mother), by one of HIS family members.Which we did and it has seemed to backfire on us.We were trying to do the right thing and it has been used to hurt us on a very special day. All I can say is I hurt inside even I should probably blow it off I just can't seem to.I found out 2 days ago and have cried on a few occasions about it.On top of everything no one in his family RSVP'D to let my friend know (she is throwing it)that 15 people,seriously 15 people will not be coming.Not one called.Which I think is very very rude.She had purchased food,flatware etc for several more than she will need. I feel bad that she wasted her money.I am gonna go for now girls and i hope that i do not rub anyone the wrong way with this post.I will be posting a 24 week belly shot soon.Until then hugs to you all...

11 comments:

Mimi said...

I am so saddened by this post honey. That is not fair at all! I do know how it feels to not be liked by family memebers. It sucks! I feel so bad. I wish there was something I could do. Email me at themurphy4@comcast.net. Give me your address and your registry. I want to get you something for your sweet little baby boy! :)

Hugs,
Kami

embieadoptmom said...

WOW! that is so difficult for you. I have a similar situation with my MIL. Not entirely the same. We have been married 7 years and we just look at things like this. THEY are the ones missing out on our lives and our kids. We have to focus on our children and family BUT we also have to treat them like Jesus would. Over time, things will get better.

That is one of the reasons we have told NOONE about our upcoming FET of our adopted embies.

God will send you the right support and love at the right time although it may not be your family!

Praying for you,
Jen

Michele said...

Oh honey... That is just horrible. Just horrible. I am sorry that it looks like you guys have to cut off part of your family (or rather, that they have made that decision for you). I think that your husband is right; let them go. It's hard, I know. But let them go. God will warm their hard hearts someday and bring them back. I know that that isnt a comfort right now but you cannot put yourself and your kids at risk of their bad behavior. You deserve better and more than that.

And I am so excited that you have hit the 24w mark! That is wonderful!!!

Meant to be a mom said...

Girl, I feel terrible for you.
His family should be adult enough to accept you no matter what there prior feelings were to you when you guys met. Who cares if you have kids. Who cares if your older. Your not some cracked out psychotic drug addicted women taking there son down with you. It could be way worse for them. I'm sure your a super sweet girl with a little extra to offer to the marriage. He knew that when he met you and he loves you for who you are. That should be enough for them to accept and love you like he does. They are selfish and it will bite them in the ass one day if they don't grow up. I'm so sorry you have to deal with that. and I completely understand what you mean about expecting to get things you need from your shower. Thats exactly how my husband and I were. Its not a bad thing to be that way. Not all of us are financially able to buy all the things you need for a baby.
I hope things get better with the inlaws.
THINKING OF YOU!

ks and jd said...

That's horrible behaviour on their part! A new baby is a blessing to any family, and that alone should be honoured! Regardless of how the MIL views you! You are so much better than this and deserve to be treated better! Please know and believe this!

I unfortunately do know how you feel though. My dh's family took a long time to warm to me. We've been married for 8 years together for 11. And only this year do I feel a little of the warmth. It does suck!

Your shower will be better though with friends and family there that truely do support you! All the best! Chin up honey!

Ashley said...

I'm so sorry that she is treating you that way!! She is the one that is going to miss out on the end. Enjoy every minute of your shower!! ((HUGS))

Melissa said...

I just found your blog and I am so sorry you have to deal with this. Sounds to me like you are taking the high road so good for you. Sounds pretty cruddy how hour hubbys family is treating you. Try not to think about it, enjoy your pregnancy, your hubby and have fun at your shower. The people that care about you will be there and thats all that matters. Congrats on your sweet baby!

twondra said...

oh wow, sweetie. How unbelievably sad! This post just saddens me so much. We all love you sweetie and are definitely here for you!!

Dan and Gretchen said...

Hang in there Megan. I had a very similar situation with MY Dad when we were expecting....and needless to say, he's come full circle since the boys were born. Someone once told me when there are difficult people in our lives we need to ask God to either change them or remove them...this might be a good one for you right now :)

Your husband sounds like he's got the right idea with his family though.

Keep your chin up, and know there are a lot of people who DO care about you!!!

Kriss said...

I so sorry. Your MIL sounds like a piece of work. Honestly she sounds like my mom (who I have been estranged from for almost five years!). I would love to see your registry if you don't mind sharing it. I would like to get you something too. -kriss

Jen said...

Megan, My heart is breaking!!! I am so sorry your in laws aren't nice!!!

Hugs!!!
Jen

My snowflake items

My snowflake items
DH got me these after we officially accepted our set of snowflake babies