Stuck on sad

This has affected me more than I thought it would. I rehearsed in my head before we started all of this how I would feel if it didn't work I thought I would be "okay" but I never really anticipapted how emotionally devastated I would be.I am struggling and failing to not cry. I can't and don't have any drive to do my normal routine.The bare minimum is being done.This has brought back all of my emotional pain from my miscarriages.I hadn't realized that it was just under the surface waiting to be exposed.I didn't know it would consume me like it has.I think part of my hopelessness is that fact that we have 1 embryo left just 1.What if we go through a cycle and it does not make the thaw?? Besides that between our stim cycle that was cancelled and this one we can not afford to move forward in any way. I am paralyzed not only with grief but financially. I so want to just move forward and transfer our last embie but the finances are just not there. We have next to nothing left of the money we had in our baby fund.And our insurance won't touch any of it.We would like to get back on the donor embie list but that is so expensive.I just feel stuck like I am sinking and can doing nothing to pull my self up.Looking for a life line.....