And the result is....

Cancelled, I will post some more about what happened and what our plan will be next but tonight I am tired and feeling pretty ill from coming off those meds. Queezy, headaches and just plain yuckiness.

In 9 hours I find out if our cycle is cancelled...

I haven't blogged much as I have a lot going on but I will sum it up for now by saying that I have an appointment in 9 hours and that is when we will find out if this cycle will be cancelled. I was told I have a 50% chance of this happening. :-( I will post the full story later along will some other stuff that happened.

Needle dilemma ,appt update and approx FET date

Well I had my first U/S on Tuesday and it went well. No cysts or any other concerns. I also was able to get a med/cycle chart which has been so much nicer.Thank you those of you who commented on your concern that I should talk to the office and get things straightened out, which I did.I actually called the office on my way there to my appointment(it's about an hour drive) and asked if they would be able to have a chart ready for me and also discussed my concerns.While my concerns were indeed heard they were also kinda of explained away. The nurse did apologize that I didn't have my med chart sooner etc but also said she thinks what happened it that they do not have anyone else on a lupron flare and that is not a normal protocol used so the other nurses must have not really registered that I would need my meds sooner and need my med chart sooner. They were treating me like a normal patient that could wait until after their first u/s forgetting that I start stimming before my first u/s Either way I am set now. At least I thought I was until today we were going to do my lupron flare shot and I unrolled the roll of needles and I realized that there was NO WAY I was going to have enough to get me through until my next u/s and now we hit a holiday weekend. UGH! The specialty pharmacy apparently only sends 14 needles with that particular med and I use it twice a day. I have already been on it since last Monday and my next Appointment was not until Tuesday.I will be on it until my HCG trigger shot so I really have no idea how many needles I will end up using.More than 14 though...So I called the specialty pharmacy and they said they could send me more needles and of course charge me to do so, really? really?? But they couldn't get them to me until Tuesday afternoon due to the weekend. I was like umm that would be about 3 shots too late, even though I had just told her I needed it by Monday.I know it isn't completely their fault as my office had no instructions on the meds and I didn't know how many needles to expect it to come with it when it arrived as I did not have my med chart so I could not even estimate how many I needed.So I started to try to think of ways to get needles...Do I know any diabetics? Anyone in the medical field?? Can I reuse a needle, how bad would be really?? Sad,sad,sad. Not how I thought I would spend my Friday.In case anyone out there doesn't know you can not just buy needles at a pharmacy you have to have a prescription, so my options were limited. I ended up calling my RE's office even though I figured they would be closed (due to Good Friday) I got the nurses voicemail and to my surprise she indeed called me back I asked her to call me in a script locally for needles and she did, 5 days more worth.Not sure if that will be enough but for now it gets me through until I get in for my appointment on Tuesday.I go in for a u/s and a blood draw.So I am hoping for good news.Last time I only had to stim long enough to get me to that first u/s and bloodwork and I was ready to go.About 6 days total. But I am scared this time that will different.I am currently on day 4 of follistim and day 6 of luprolide. A total of 3 shots daily except today I got an extra poke of follistim because DH forget to up the dose and we had to add it in a another shot."sigh" I am on CD 8. When I went to my appointment on Tuesday they estimated that if everything went as planned I would have an approximate FET date of April 30th. But of course that is approximate.Anyways I am not even going to ask can it get any worse as far as things going wrong because I know it can. I am trying to not let it get to me.Maybe it all will make a great story to tell our baby someday on hard it was to get ready to go bring them home.So next on my plate is Easter day, we have a small gathering at my mom's that day and no one knows we are going through this but we will have at least 1 possibly 2 shots that we will have to do. Any ideas how to pull that off. I have DH do them as I just cannot for the life of me bring myself to stab myself, I know I am a wimp but there is just something about shoving a sharp piece of metal in my own skin that makes me flinch.So if we both disappear into the bathroom are people going to have hokey thoughts? lol Will they assume we are having a disagreement? :-) I don't know I just hate having to hide this it sucks. And how in the world do I smuggle a cooler into Easter with out looking like a drunk?? :-) lol Well girls It's time for my shot 3am so I need to go and then I can go to bed.Take care everyone and Happy Easter!

AF arrived, 2 lupron shots down and an appt today

Let me just start out by saying it has been the most unorganized cycle I have ever had. The office never sent me a med/cycle/plan calender so I am kinda just piecing info together.UGH Well AF arrived on Saturday so that was officially CD 1 so here we go! Previous to this my only instructions I had received from the office was to call when my AF arrived.Well it arrived on Saturday and they are closed so I couldn't call. But I did call call today. When I called I did not get a real person cause I never do and left a message. I had a phone call returned about 2 hours later.On the call the nurse very casually asked me if I had indeed started my lupron this morning , I was like um no I had no idea I was even supposed to.I told her I don't even have a med schedule. So there goes shot number 1 down the drain.Apparently I was supposed to start them on CD 3 which would have been today but they have to be 12 hours apart so it was to late by the time she called back because she wanted the other given at a specific time. I am just thinking it would have been WONDERFUL if some one had bothered to go over my meds and mailed a plan to me with doses.(as my lupron was not even marked with it,it said ask doctor) Needless to say my day has been craptasic. But I am trying to pull it out of feeling like that and separate the experience from the goal, but my fear it the people/experience could compromise the goal.I feel like they never even considered "what if she gets her AF on the weekend?" Had no plans etc.At least they did not have me prepared for it. The greatest kicker of all of it was the nurse seemed a little concerned to whether I even had my meds yet and for good reason, she or whomever the last nurse I talked to had told me to tell the mail order pharmacy that I needed them by the 20th.Lucky for me I am not a sit around wait to get this done kinda girl so I pressed them for a week to fix things and told them I needed them by the 14th and 15th because I felt better knowing they were here.So they arrived only 3-4 days before I needed them. If I had listened to the nurse I would have no meds right now and no lupron to even do my shots.This whole experience has been a let down this time it's like they just are less personal or don't care like they used to.I start my follistim on the 19th and am going for my baseline u/s today in the afternoon.I am so sorry everyone for seeming so down lately I know it will pass but I just am frustrated and feeling negative and blue when in reality I should be feeling so excited. I need to work on that or find a way to change it.Anyways hugs to you all. It is just past 3 am and due to our funky schedule DH is just about to give me another shot.Before he leaves for work gulp! Yay shots! not really :-(

Getting closer

Wow it has been a while since I last posted and I was seriously going to try to not let that happen but here I am.So let's catch up I took my last BCP today TA DA gone.Now I wait for AF let's hope she is not as tardy as last time.I am to call the RE office when she arrives and inform them of my start day and we go from there. I begin stimming on CD day 5.Last time I only required 5 days of stims so hopefully I respond the same.If and this is a big if AF arrives on time and I respond to my meds like I did last time then my tentative FET date will be somewhere around April 27th-29th. Unfortunately this would also place my beta on or right by Mother's Day an aspect that I am not so crazy about but, hey what do you do?? I mean it could be great news but if it's not then well it be kind of a downer. I am sure I do not have to explain.So remember when I said I ordered my meds well it has taken until tonight at 6pm to get it all straightened outIt has also taken about 10 phone calls over the last week.Crazy! Seriously! So finally now they should be shipped out tomorrow.One item is supposed to arrive tomorrow we will see if it does and the rest is due to arrive on Thursday.For some reason my case being was passed back and forth at the mail order specialty pharmacy.They could only fill part of my order at one location,(Texas) and the rest will come from ann arbor in my own state.After phone tag on different days, my case waiting for assignment, them breaking up the order, and then after we thought it was complete and we were reviewing it finding out the RE forgot to call something in and having to wait for that to be added we are finally done Sheesh! So even after all the comments I received on how many to transfer I still was struggling with what to do.There were a few reasons. I thought I had my mind made up after we left the initial consult ( Transfer 3), but then a nurse I know was very opinionated with me on what she thought(2),I was given info through the same nurse on was the embryologist thought(2), so I then asked for more info on the embryo grades that the donors had used when they got PG and the previous couple before as I wanted to compare grades and then I had a nurse present this info to a doctor (it's was the other RE) along with our info he said he felt that our chances of multiples were less than the first doc intially stated (back at 3). Oy! I had never been so confused in my life.I was really struggling with all of this on Sunday night I really was not sure about transferring 3 but was scared to only transfer 2.I really was starting to lean towards transferring only 2 when I got a call the next day from the RE's office it was the nurse. She was calling to tell me that they (my RE and the embryologist) had their review of my case since my transfer was coming up and have decided that only 2 will be transferred. I can not tell you the feeling of relief that passed through my body to not have to make that decision any more.But I just really wish that would have been the answer I got weeks ago when I first asked at our consult so I would not have been stressing this whole time.Either way it is done. So true how God knows just what you need and when you need it.He knew this decision was to big for my heart and he made it for me what a loving father, taking care of his daughter.All of this uncertainty has been part of the reason I have not blogged much as I just could not get into a good calm mental place but now I am finally get there AWWWW relief :) So we are looking at about 2 weeks girls, I am sure it will be here before we know it. I am nervous and scared and excited all in one. This time has been harder and more lonely as we are not telling anyone like before so even though I have a very small support system to begin with, it's even smaller with me not telling hardly anyone. I have only told about 3 people and 1 was completely necessary as they will be watching the boys during transfer.My family does not know and would most likely say something that would upset me or stress me out so this seems to be the wisest move.Plus it is very hard having many people know and ask if it worked afterwards and hounding you for when are you going to take a PG test. So while this does make a very lonely time and make me feel dishonest I am trying to learn from last time and all of these things are stuff I experienced.Well girls I guess that is it for now but I will try harder to blog more. God bless you all!

Ordered meds and the answer to the follie question

I ordered my meds today and am currently on bcp pill 11. That means I have 6 more to go. I wanted to answer of couple of you that had questions regarding why they want me to produce a follicle if I am using donor embryos. :-) So here goes.They want me to produce at least 1 follicle because at my clinic they are trying to replicate the natural cycle that a women's body would go through if she got PG on her own.I know at some clinics others are given transfer dates ahead of time and they know when they will be having their FET. Well because of the way my clinic does it,I do not. They go by my body and cycle and what all monitoring tells them. They decide when to transfer after I have responded to stims enough to make a 1 good follie and after my lining is looking good etc. I kinda liken it to double dutch jump rope they are waiting, watching and ready to jump in to action. Ready for that moment when my body would have ovulated and they time that with the transfer so that my body indeed thinks that the embies trying to implant are not just there by accident but that I ovulated and created them therefore my body now needs to get busy taking care of them and nurturing them ;-)This is the same protocol as last time so and is just the way they do things. Doesn't make any other RE's way wrong just is what my clinic likes to do and finds works for them.Any more questions please feel free to ask :-) I love hearing from all of you.