God has been good to me

Well I thought I would share some pics from my oldest sons 7th birthday yesterday on saint patricks day so here they are. We had a very nice day just with the five of us we chose to just celebrate with our immediate family for now. Gavin had a good birthday he didn't have school due to a teacher in service day so his daddy,my ex came and picked him up and took him to lunch since he didn't have school.(remember his daddy,DH and I are all very good friends no hard feelings there)They then went to the store where Gavin got a birthday present and apparently insisted that he needed to get me roses while he was there so on his birthday he came home with flowers for his mommy! What a sweet boy! My ex said he insisted on getting them for me I was so touched I guess he thought mommy could use some roses.You should have seen my little man beaming when he told DH that he bought mommy flowers he was so proud.What a wonderful little boy I have!My ex would have stayed and joined us to celebrate Gavin's birthday but he works 2nd shift and had to leave after dropping him off that is why he took him out to lunch instead.We are on a budget but I still try to make things fun for the boys so here was our day first I made Gavin's birthday cake,we had a mini photo shoot with their new "brothers" shirts, I made homemade pizza for dinner, we then set out for a budget family movie(local radio station sponsors it for a few different family friendly movies for the next couple of months) where the kids get in free and adults are only $3.50 each we saw a cartoon movie called "Planet 51" the boys (all three, yes even mason went) enjoyed it, we then came home ate cake and ice cream, he opened presents that I had bought ahead on black Friday for a great deal and that he loved!In the pictures you will notice that his cake is green that is something that I have been doing since his first birthday since he is a saint pattys day baby it has become tradition.Even though it may look a little weird to you it was a butter moist cake so it was very good! I wondered if we had done enough but got my answer this morning when I was getting ready to take him out to the bus and he said "momma, I had a good birthday yesterday" I tell you girls it melted my heart.I took a few black and whites of my little guys hands and one with his and my hand with the roses he gave me, the sentimentality inspired me.Also I can't stop thinking how good God has been to me when I see these three beautiful little boys in these pictures together they truly are precious and these big brothers are amazing with Mason just amazing!! I am so proud girls DH and I keep saying when these three grow up and the girls come around we are in trouble some day because we have some good looking boys on our hands.

Mason 2 month pics and Mederma for stretch marks

Here are the 2 month pics of Mason I have more to go through here are just a few I did not do a lengthy photo shoot like I did for his 1 month but I did get a few cute ones. Also I have decided to try the new Mederma for stretch marks cream that is out. I had a $4.00 coupon which I printed off the website for it (it also came with one in the package for my next purchase).I took before pictures of my pregnancy stretch marks(yes I did get them,but not until about the last trimester)and then I will be able to see if there was any real difference. The product says it takes 4 weeks to show noticeable difference and 12 weeks to show optimum difference.It also goes on to say that you may need more treatment depending on the individual. So we will see girls I will have to let you know.The product itself is hard to find but there are stores listed online to find it at. I got mine at wal*greens.Targ*et is listed but I was unable to find one that had it yet.Is anyone else using this product? And if so are you seeing results?

Finally happy to say I feel a lot like me and "My three sons"

Okay maybe I am bit young to remember the 1960's sitcom "My three sons" but I was old enough to grow up with it on nick at nite as a child.Moving on.... :-)

I am glad to report that the PPD has passed which I can't help but wonder if it wasn't sticking around longer before due to the breastfeeding. I have to say that since I quite breastfeeding and quite beating myself up about not breastfeeding or not making enough milk or not being happy enough or not......it goes on and on. I feel sooooooo much better it is as if two sumo wrestlers have been lifted off my shoulders. :-P I am enjoying baby boy tremendously I love his coos and smiles.I have even learned to take his colic/high needs in stride but even mothers without PPD struggle with babies with colic/high needs so I don't feel bad.I have even began to find the humor in situations like when I finally had to put him down today(which he absolutely hates)to get some housework done, I was vacuuming , he was screaming as usual and every time I would walk in front of him he would completely stop like he wasn't even crying at all I could do was chuckle.He has started finally sleeping a little longer stretches at night so that helps a bit.I have to say that I never knew that I would have to fail at something in order to feel better it seems so opposite of what you would think. But the breastfeeding just wasn't working out and I hate failing so it was killing me to fail at it. In retrospect with a much clearer head there were several things working against me: Horrible labor and birth experience, bad breastfeeding experience, extreme weight gain, migraines, lack of outside friends or family etc support, complications during pregnancy, history of IF, money struggles,sleep deprivation,complications and long healing time of tear and stitches,high needs colicky baby and unsympathetic OB. All of these things made for a very very depressed stressed tired me who could not even enjoy her new baby boy to the extent that she could have. Now I can and it is wonderful.I needed help way before it was offered to me and in the end I never took any medication for depression.(Not that I am against medication, I by all means am not at all, the timing just was not right for me since it was not offered until things were already better by 60% or more, at that point it's like what's the point? And they were continuing to get better with each passing week) My OB did not offer it until about 1 and a 1/2 weeks before I told you girls about the PPD which by then the worst was passing. I had hid the worst of it from my OB partially because she seemed unsympathetic when I told her about my bad birth experience so I closed down emotionally to her.(remember she was not there the night I gave birth)In the end giving up breast feeding and pumping,going back on my migraine preventative medicine and going for walks for exercise with my husband and the boys around our local mall is what helped me.And now my little monkey is also letting me get 4-5 hours in a row of sleep instead of getting up every 2 hours like he was that was very hard to do by myself plus get everyone else up, make sure hubby is up for temp job at 3 am, son for school and toddler and baby boy.It was maddening I am adjusting since I am able to have more sleep and am not up every 2 hours and also have more time since I am not breastfeeding and pumping.And on top of it all in the last 2 weeks without much more than watching what I eat a bit more and a few walks I have lost 8 pounds and I am hoping to lose more which will help me to continue to feel more like me. I have several more pounds to go to get to my pre pregnancy weight but I will continue to work at it.I have few more than those to get to my pre fertility med weight as those alone put 15-20 pounds on me ugh! As the weather gets better we plan to walk as a family outdoors several nights a week. My weight got out of control while I was pregnant because no one knew I had gained as much as I did because my OB's office apparently had a defective scale. I thought it was strange that I was not gaining very much I felt huge but shrugged it off since all pregnant women feel huge and was happy that my SCH had healed and that my baby was doing well. Unfortunately I thought it also meant that it was okay to give into cravings since I wasn't gaining weight. I figured if I wasn't gaining weight what was it gonna hurt? Right? Wrong!! Apparently their scale was defective and they did not know it so all of my readings were way off on the low side. Try 20+ pounds off yikes!! I didn't find this out until after I gave birth and came back in for a check up and they had a new scale they said theirs apparently had been broken for a long time (at least my entire pregnancy) and when they got their new one they saw all their patients weights jump up. Try being 2 weeks postpartum and weighing the same as you did when you were full term pregnant ,I cried when I got home,logically I knew why but it was hard to see the number be higher.Especially since I had no idea I weighed that much to begin with.So between the bed rest,no exercise allowed my entire pregnancy due to the SCH,the extra months of PIO and estrogen from before pregnancy throughout my 2nd trimester due to the SCH, and me having no clue because of a broken scale, my weight was doomed to be high and that it was.On a different note we got our taxes done not as big of a refund as it would have been if DH had worked the whole year but we are just glad that we didn't owe.I also made sure to put Mason in his tax deduction onesie just for our tax lady and I flashed her with it when she least expected it ,she laughed so hard.She has been doing my taxes for about eight years now so she is more like a friend then just my tax lady, she was sooo excited when Mason was born before the new year LOL. And before I go I thought I would share my inspiration with you all I have yet to share pics of my two older sons(Gavin 6 years soon to be 7 next week and Ayden 4 years old ) but I will today. I have been conflicted about doing this in the past but I have decided to share I may take it down later but for now I will post it. I am including one that has all three of my beautiful boys Gavin,Ayden and Mason on one of our mall outings, actually the first one as a family to go for a walk and we also let the older boys play at the play place. It was a good day and mommy found herself smiling ear to ear!I think that's it for now girls I have lots of pics to share of our day at the mall and Mason rockin his tax tee lol.I want to thank you all for your support on my last post about the postpartum depression your kind supportive words were greatly appreciated and meant a lot to me.

Breast feeding has come to an end, birth story part 3 and well just keep reading

I was planning on doing this post as the third part of my birth story until I realized that it is pretty much told. So now I will move on to why it has taken me so long to post after his birth and why it was so sporadically.First I want to share with you my experience with breast feeding which to be very honest I was not one of those "blessed" mothers who every thing went picture perfect for.It is truly and honestly one of the hardest things I have ever done.There are so many variables and things that have to be just so or happen at a certain point for it all to work out. And even then there is no guarantee that you won't hit a road block and have to start all over figuring out what went wrong.For me it started at the birth center right after he was born with them taking him away for several hours before I could even try to breastfeed him and continued with nurses that were less than helpful with getting me started. They were more threatening and uncaring than helpful. They would make statements if he was 15-60 minutes past when they thought he should eat like,(nurse vicky) "did he eat yet?" (me) "no, I have tried but he refuses to wake up." (nurse vicky)spoken sternly "well I will be back in 30 minutes, by then you should have him fed" 30 minutes later...(nurse vicky..again sternly) "did he eat yet??" (me) "no I tried 3 times he still refuses, he is just so tired from the birth early this morning" (nurse vicky) "well you have to give him a bottle then or I have to stick him to check his sugar and he will cry because it will hurt!" (me..in defeat)"I guess bring me a bottle" I gave him the bottle which he completely threw up after he ate it.These exchanges we not uncommon between me and the nurses.I was reduced to tears feeling backed in to a corner on a few different occasions I knew that to ensure proper breastfeeding I should not introduce a bottle so soon but they did not care and acted like I was starving him. For the record when he did feed it was on his own schedule not theirs and he did well.It was going well until we got home and he just quite.He had developed a bad latch which I sought help from lactation counselors to correct. Their help only frightened him causing him to go on a nursing strike. The one lady was very hands on and gagged him with my breast multiple times. We may have had a bad latch before but he least he took the breast willingly. Meanwhile the pump that I had that we saved money to get as you all know things are tight did not work for me at all. It was a double electric lan.sinoh pump.That was devastating as that meant that if he wasn't taking the breast and my pump was not a good one for me that my milk supply was going to be very reduced. And it did go down. I was put on reglan to help bring production back up and borrowed a friends medela which worked way better for me (and yes I did have a new tubing, horn kit etc for it)My milk did come up as long as I was using that pump and on the reglan but the medication is not a long term drug it is only meant to get things going.So I am off it now and for weeks he has been getting mostly formula. He did nurse really good while he had RSV but as soon as he got well he quite.On top of all the issues my migraines have returned, I had them before pregnancy but was on a preventative medication that I had to stop before our transfer. They got way worse during my first and second trimesters and were gone my last trimester. About 2 weeks after I had him they returned and are continuing to get worse.I was going to just tolerate them but since my breastfeeding experience is coming to an end I have decided to go back on my medication.I saw my family doctor today and I may decide to start it as early as tomorrow. So there you have it girls there are several struggles and tears I left out but you get the gist of it. I felt like a failure for weeks and now I am numb.But I think in the end this is the right choice.

Now for the hard news I have been diagnosed with PPD.I have been hiding this from all of you and I am sorry.Recently a fellow blogger of mine that gave birth 5 weeks after me announced she had it. She is the reason why I have decided to share this with all of you, by reading her post I realized I was not alone and that it can happen to me EVEN if I have struggled with IF actually from what I have researched especially if I did. It seems that IF'ers have a higher incidence of PPD as well as women who have a bad birth experience and any other stressors like financial struggles "ding ding ding" that's all me too.My bad breast feeding experience has only compounded things.Lets not forget sleep deprivation,extreme weight gain and lack of family support.DH and I only have each other and he has recently (2 weeks ago)taken a temp job, due to his layoff, that they have him working 60 hours a week at. He has to get up at 3AM which means I am the only one taking care of the baby at night to mention getting my oldest up for school and my 4 year old too.Plus the other chores,meals,milk pumping,bathing, bills, cleaning, pets you name it goes on. Dh is literally exhausted from the hours he works and so am I. The PPD weighs on me like a ton of bricks some days. Don't get me wrong I love all of my children and I am very happy to have my little mason.They all can make me smile on days I thought I wouldn't. I have tried to hide the tears from the children and for the most part I have.I am not on medication for the PPD as it can not be used with reglan and I have been hoping it would pass.And it is slowly starting to. I am convinced that if I could just get sleep at night that I would feel even better.The PPD was at the worst 1 week through 6 weeks after his birth. I have noticed that with each passing week or so things seem to be fading. But there are still bad days complete with tears,impatience and frustration but they are not as plentiful. I have to say the one of the worst parts of it was that I would feel sad or guilty about feeling sad or guilty so it fed into itself. I was scared how it would be received by the blog community of fellow IF'ers but I know that all of you will achieve your dreams of a baby someday and I thought that if by sharing my story that even one of you is helped then it is worth it. Because the feeling alone and hiding it from all of you only magnified it for me.I will end this post by saying that if you have nothing nice to say then please have respect and keep it to yourself.There is no way a informed,intelligent,caring human being would attack a fellow human being while they are down and if what you want to do is hurt me then follow someone else's blog your are not welcome here.That said I know that my girls on here are all caring,intelligent,informed and loving so I have no worries about all of you.Just for a heads up I may be turning on comment moderation because I will not allow mean people to get up on their soapbox and hurt me I have been through enough.So now you all know my secret and why I was missing a bit more those earlier weeks.I hope you still will continue to follow and be my blogger girls. Hugs to you all...And God Bless!!

Mason is home

Some pictures of our little miracle while he was in the hospital :-(






Mason's crib while in the hospital, DH and I felt it looked more like a cage "cringe"





Mommy feeling happy because her baby has no cords or tubing connected to him and it was time to get ready to go home after one last feeding!



Mason resting comfortably tonight on valentines day


We were released from the hospital about a week ago.Mason is getting better with each passing day.He was released a bit earlier than some who have RSV due to the fact that his pediatrician prescribed him a nebulizer for home so we could do his breathing treatments ourselves and he could continue to heal at home instead of in the hospital.Sorry that it has taken so long to update but his treatments are every 4 hours and he eats every 2-4 hours (sometimes 6 hours) and his breathing treatment schedule has not been lining up with eating. Needless to say between those two things,my other 2 boys and them getting sick with the crude mason has, the housework, major lack of sleep,me getting sick too, getting my oldest up in the morning and off to school, 2 dogs and some how finding time to get my self dressed and fed along with everyone else it has been tough finding time to update until now. Thank you all so much for your kind words and prayers.All of your comments always mean so much to me.I will be adding the 3rd and final part in my birth story very soon.

Mason hospitalization update

Well the test came back positive for RSV.The doctor said he will not be going home today, probably not tomorrow and honestly he does not know when. I hate having to split our family up like this. DH and I stayed up there last night and we are going to tonight but after that I have no one to watch my other boys. It is so hard to see him struggling to breath and in pain. He had a temp over 101 degrees last night.He is on breathing treatments every four hours.And on oxygen and a pulse oxygen meter 24 hours a day.Hard to believe all of this started out looking like the sniffles, even the doctor thought that it was a simple cold but also said to watch for it to get worse as RSV was going around.It started with a couple of coughs on Monday, we saw the doctor on Tuesday as we already had a well check that day. It got worse with stuffy, runny nose on Wednesday and and larger cough and small temp.By Thursday morning I was calling the doctor, got a sick appointment scheduled for that day and then at the appointment the doctor said he wanted him admitted.So here we are. Here are a few pics and pardon me and my just woke up after only 2 hours sleep look. I still have part of my baby weight that I would love to lose but it is slowly coming off. Everyone says be patient it will happen so I am trying. Thank you everyone for your kind words and prayers.God bless you all!

prayers needed for little mason!

I am asking for all my girls to pray for our little miracle as he has been just admitted to the hospital,they think he has RSV. We just stopped home after bringing him there to get a few things and let our dogs out.We stayed through the bloodwork,BP check, x rays, RSV test etc. We will find out the results tonight when we go back.I will update as soon as possible.It broke our hearts to leave him there..

Birth story part 2

So after my OB assuring me that things would be fine we then left her office and headed for home which was only 7 minutes away.We had to get our hospital bags,let the dogs out,grab extra key for my ex husband to let our dogs out and watch the house while we were away.We stopped to my ex's house, kissed my 4 year old (he had the boys already since it had been his weekend he keeps them until Monday afternoon since he works second,my 6 year old was at school),gave my ex the keys dropped the boys bags off which included elaborate instructions for a friend of ours that was gonna sit for them while their dad worked that night.We then headed for the birth center me still having contractions which luckily is only 3 minutes from my ex's house.We then went to the front desk and told them that our OB had wanted me to be admitted.The looked around for papers but could not find orders.They just left me standing there in horrible pain having contractions.DH who was very irritated at them by this point said "what is she supposed to do, you gonna just leave her standing at the desk in labor?????" The lady was like "oh well you guys can go down to the family waiting room while we contact her OB."I was thinking to myself are you serious? But I really had no other choice.So we go down the hall to the family waiting room which was full of people and kids running back and forth.One almost ran full blast into my pregnant belly!!It was complete chaos kids were putting things in the microwave and repeatedly slamming it and people were yelling and laughing loudly.I was so overwhelmed, sleep deprived and in so much pain.I told DH with tears starting to come"I can't do this I can't be in here anymore". So we got up and went back out in the hall and he went to the front desk and was like"you are gonna have to put her somewhere she is in labor and it is crazy in the waiting room!" So they then put me in testing and hooked me up to the monitors etc. They still had not and were not admitting me.After I was gowned and connected to the monitors they checked my cervix , and commented how hard it was to get to my cervix and how the baby's head was " oh my, right there!". I was dilated 3 cm and I was 90% effaced. So not much change from before but there was change.They could see on the monitor that I was having contractions but it is impossible to tell how intense they are without an internal monitor.But trust me they were horrible!! They then went to report their findings to the OB doc that was there from my OB office and I guess he decided that it was pointless to admit me since I was not more dilated etc. I was like "what!" I am having horrible contractions and my own doctor sent me here.So this went around for hours them not wanting to admit me and me being in horrible none medicated pain laying there as it was left at that I would have to wait for my own OB to finish her shift at her office and come admit me herself.So 6 1/2 hours passed with no pain meds and me just laying on my back waiting and writhing in tremendous pain.I was having such bad contractions that all I could do was cry and grip the bed rails waiting for someone to do something. I was in the testing area where there were 4 other beds for people to be in and only curtains separating us. I had no real privacy.My doctor didn't show up until between 6:45pm and then finally after several minutes of haggling got me admitted. She was pissed that no one had admitted me and that they made her come and do it herself instead of just taking care of me, she then left to go get her IV meds done.I finally had a room by 8pm that night. Now I remind you we arrived there at 1pm, so 7 hours later I was finally admitted.Even after I was the staff acted as though I was a waste of their time and that there was no way this baby was coming anytime soon, so umm why hurry. They all moved in slow motion and laughed and talked amongst themselves while barely taking care of me.So after they did start to pay more attention to me they asked me if I wanted an epidural and I said "Yes!!" "I have been in labor for 3 days I want an epidural" Then the one nurse tried to talk me out of it saying well you won't be able to walk the halls or get in the tub if you have one". I was like I have already walked the halls here and at home and taken hot baths for the past three days it is overrated, just give me the epidural.She seemed annoyed that I wanted one and said it would take an hour or so to get someone there. I was like seriously? So we waited and waited. Me still in severe pain. And people still checking me going "wow his head is right there" I was so sick of hearing this statement at this point it seemed pointless to them that it just may hurt a bit, a ton to have your baby trying push his own way out of my uterus since my cervix wasn't cooperating.Of course the resident doctor was a piece of work he was the creepiest and skeeviest, most unprofessional doctor I have ever met,maybe I will write about that another time as he left an emotional mark on me forever.So the anesthesiologist gets there and the epidural goes very smooth and he is the nicest person on staff that I had dealt with at that point.Not to long after the epidural was done they called in creepy resident doc so he could break my bag of water.Then they asked if I wanted to be cathed I was like "no". So they let me try to use the potty chair real quick so I could start of with a empty bladder and to see if I was capable of going without a catheter.I was successful so no cath, yea! for something.Within 10 minutes I was feeling a ton of pressure and told the nurse.Her answer back was it's probably good pressure, probably means your cervix is changing.I was like "umm ok."So after a few more times of me mentioning the pressure was really strong and that I also felt burning, and her still telling me I was fine and it was good pressure she checked my cervix was which was now at 5cm.She was a bit surprised but didn't seem to worried yet.She was like "good your making progress, I am gonna go get the pitocin so we can get that going." The whole staff there felt that after I was given pain meds and given pitocin the earliest that my baby would be born would be Tuesday late afternoon the next day.They felt that I was too little dilated and not progressed enough to deliver anytime soon.They acted as If I did not know my own body and that I was being a wimp coming in so early.They did discover after they decided to hook up the internal monitor that I was having very strong and long contractions. Hmm really, geez I had no idea?????,Maybe I should have told them about them, Except I DID!!! Over and over ,ever since I got there that day and when my husband called 1 and 2 days before that Monday!! So the nurse was getting ready to hang and start the pitocin (because they all genuinely believed that I needed this drug to have the baby since I wasn't in "real" labor yet."whatever")I never asked for it nor did I really want it.But before she could finish even opening it I told her "I have a ton of pressure and burning I can barely breath and can feel something moving inside of me". "She was like umm I guess I will check you real quick". She did and then she looked surprised and panicked.She told me I was now at 8 plus cm's completely effaced and that she really needed to get a hold of the OB doc that was on call but she wasn't sure he would make it in time.They had spent some much time betting on that I was just some wimp who did not know her own body that they hadn't even planned that I would deliver without several hours of pitocin on my own.The fact of the matter was after the epidural was placed and after they broke my water and then I guess me emptying my bladder allowed my uterus to progress very quickly.It was just like my own OB said that I was in labor but my body was not co operating and if I get pain relief it probably would.It was only about 45 minutes or less after the epidural was placed that I had progressed to 5 cm and then about 30 minutes after that I was at 8 plus cm and then the rest of the time was spent waiting for the on call OB to arrive.By the time he arrived I was beyond ready to push. Everyone got into position and I started to push It only took me 15 minutes of actual pushes to get him out.They were all amazed that I got him out so quick.They said it is rare for a woman that is giving birth for the first time to go that quick especially since I also had an epidural which can slow things down. All I can say is I had been in labor for 3 days and Mason and I were both ready to get this done.I also had the worry of my little mason as his heart rate started to dip during labor before the OB doc arrived they had me move in bed to different positions including my knees to try to get his heart rate up. After the Ob finally got there little mason still continued to have huge dips in his heart rate, I could see the monitor while I was pushing and I knew I had to get my baby boy out fast.He would dip down to 60 from 148bpm.It was scary! They said since he had been in my pelvis so long with all of the contractions I had been having he was being squeezed and in distress.Hmm I wonder who"s fault that is!! I told them hours even days before that I was indeed in labor!! But they didn't want to believe me. When he came out he had a huge bruise on his head from being posterior (which explains the back labor), he turned just before coming out.They said his head kept slamming against my pelvic bones during contractions and the fact that he had been trying to get out for so long.So all along he was indeed trying to make his own way out since my cervix would not co operate due to me being in so much pain and exhausted, but no one would listen to me.He also had a bleeding cut on his head where his internal monitor ripped out as he was being born I felt so bad for him.A minute or two after he was born they took him and looked him over and decided that he was a bit grunty and may be having trouble breathing properly.His pulse/Oxygen level was a bit low and they wanted to bring him to the nursery for further observation and continued care.So we only saw him for a couple minutes and he was gone, that was hard.I did end up getting a 2nd degree tear so that needed to be attended to and apparently they cut a couple small cysts out of inside me while they were in there, without asking me first "umm thanks, maybe I was saving those" just kidding but it would have been nice to be asked or even told what they were doing since I didn't even know I had any cysts inside me.After he was born the nurse told me that I was only minutes away from a emergency c-section as the OB and resident doc had not planned to let the labor go on much longer with the baby's heart rate dropping like that. I had no idea that a c section was that close to happening but I am glad I got baby boy out as quick as I did.All I have to say is that epidurals do not take away all the pain they only help with contractions which I could still feel,but it did not help with any of the umm who who pain. I felt everything, the burning,stretching, tearing, pressure you name it and boy did that hurt, bad. But it still was more tolerable than being in back labor for 3 days with no meds because at least there was an end in sight.................I will stop here for now as I have already typed a ton and it will be a long read for all of you.I will finish the story and catch you up on the goings on around here during our first weeks home and current.Until next time hugs to you all!

Mason 1 month pictures on my new slide show

I just added a slide show to my blog and on it right now are Mason's one month pictures.The first song that plays when you view my blog is one that I picked out specially for how we feel about our little miracle arriving and it fits my slidshow perfectly.I took all of the pictures myself and hope you all enjoy them.Let me know what you think.I was pretty happy with how they turned out.I like shooting photos in black and white.There are 21 photos that I have put on there for now I have a few more and will post them later.The snowflake in the pictures is the same one that we bought when we first received our embryo set.There is a picture of it at the bottom of my blog from when we first got it.And the cross necklace that is in the picture is the one I wear all the time and I too have a picture of me holding it the day of our wedding while I was getting ready.The bear is one that we made for him while I was pregnant.I wanted to include items that are sentimental to us.I will work on the next post in my birth story tonight and will add it soon.Thank you for your supportive comments they really mean a lot to me.Hope you all are doing well.((hugs))

Birth story part 1 and Sunday was my 33rd Birthday

Well where should I begin,it all started days before when on that Thursday night/very early Friday morning (December 11th) I woke up with pretty bad cramps. I ignored them and tried to fall back sleep figuring they were just very early labor pains or braxton hicks. The cramps got worse through out the day.I still was not in immense pain yet.Very uncomfortable yes, screaming out in pain no.That night (Friday night) it got way worse and the cramps/contractions got much more painful. I did not sleep that whole night except a 10-15 minute nap here and there as the contractions kept waking me up.They got even stronger as the night wore on DH was timing them and they were anywhere from 5-15 minutes apart. By the next morning (Saturday 12-12-09) I was in a lot of pain and could no longer just wait it out, so we went into the birthing center that afternoon and they hooked me up to the monitors etc and checked my cervix. They said I was dilated to 1cm and 70% effaced.They too said my cervix was very hard to get to since his head was coming down in front of it which was pushing my cervix to the back of me.( I mention this on a previous post when I had a OB appointment but apparently my cervix was even farther back this time and his head further down, the nurse even said "wow his head is like right there!") They told us to walk the halls for 30 minutes if there was no change I would be sent home, which is what happened.They said I was most likely in very early labor and there was nothing to do but to go home.I went home still in a lot of pain which only got worse.By that night I was in excruciating pain I was moaning out loud and partially screaming. I was in tears most of the time. I felt helpless and frustrated and very very tired.Each time I would dose off it would only be for a couple minutes and when a contraction hit I would fly out of bed as fast as I could all pregnant and huge and stand up with my hands resting on the bed for balance and moan and sway and cry. My back was killing me the pain was so bad that when the contraction happened I could not get off my back fast enough.Dh was trying to comfort me by rubbing my back but it didn't help, only seemed to make it worse since there was no part of me that wanted to be touched at all. I had no idea how to comfort myself so there was little chance that he could either.By the next day, Sunday (12-13-09) I was exhausted, miserable and feeling like a failure.I felt like if this is early labor and I am in this much pain I must be a huge wimp.All the books say how early labor is only mildly uncomfortable and that most women continue with their daily routine. I was like are you kidding me there is no way I can hardly walk much less continue with my daily routine.I tried everything that Sunday to help the pain I tried breathing techniques, heat packs, sitting in a warm tub and massage. None of it helped at all. DH called the birthing center that night(Sunday night) to tell them how much pain I was in and that my contractions had been very regular and at a point 2 minutes apart.Now while I was having contractions 2 minutes apart they would not stay that way they did however follow a very regular pattern which only served to confuse us more. They had been anywhere from 2-15 minutes apart never more never less. It would start like this I would have two 15 minute apart contractions and then maybe two 9 minute apart contractions then three or four 5 minute apart ones and then three or four 2 minute ones.And they were all lasting two minutes each. The whole cycle would repeat itself over and over again.The nurse at the birthing center was not convinced I was in actual labor yet due to the varying lengths of my contractions. He told her I was in immense pain in turn she was snotty to DH and said "You know it is called labor for a reason.If you come in then you most likely will be sent home but I guess you can come in if you want" I was sitting in our tub crying the whole he was on the phone with her.We both decided to wait it out since we knew our chances of being taken seriously were slim to none. I also was thankful that I had an OB appointment the next morning and was hoping at least my OB would listen.So I for the 3rd night now went without any real sleep I had a 5- 10 minutes between contractions but honestly I was worn out. My entire being was exhausted mind and body.I made it to my OB appointment and was in so much pain there that even the nurse noticed I wasn't my happy self and said something to DH while I was collecting my urine sample he then told her I was in a lot of pain and bit about what was going on. I went to the exam room after finishing in the bathroom where I continued to be miserable. I braced myself against the counter as contraction after contraction came. I was in tears and that is when my OB came in and took one look at me and knew I was in actual labor not early labor especially after we told her what the previous days had held.She then said I want to you admitted today, right now. Her theory about my pain and lack of cervical dilation was that I was in so much pain and so incredibly sleep deprived that I was in labor and had been for days but my body was so worn out that my cervix would not progress.She said if I got admitted and got some pain relief she had a pretty good feeling that I would progress on my own and if not we would proceed with the previously scheduled induction a day early.The bad side was that she could not be there, as she herself has a auto immune condition that requires her to get IV meds every Monday and that was what day it was. She said no worries though as one of the other OB's would be there to take care of me. It ended up being the only one in the practice that I had yet to meet............This is where I will end for now as my story is quite long and at times very disappointing and emotionally hurtful.I don't want to overwhelm any of you with too long of a post, rest assured that I will finish it and I am sorry that it has taken this long. I have been a bit blue/down due to it,lack of sleep and changing hormones that is partially why I have not posted in so long.I have however been still following all of you wonderful ladies just haven't felt like posting until now. ((hugs)) I will include a few pics of our precious baby!